So, this is what a “Coming Out” is like, eh?

I don’t mean out of a closet. I mean like a cotillion or a premier. Lance asked me, let’s see that was THREE weeks ago, if I’d write a weekly insert on Legacy Dad. “Sure,” thinking that for a talker-writer that would be easy. Not so. He said I had to write about, you know, uplifting, godly stuff that would inform, encourage, challenge, maybe even light fires.

Inauspicious beginings give hope for a brighter future. I entered this piece as a reply rather than the core upload. Slow, but humble, learner.

OK, getting to it. I hope it can set a spark for that fire thing.

Here’s what I will be talking about: Fathering. Especially partner-fathering. (Typically, you followed that phrase with a quiet “Huh?!”). Yeah, that’s when we dads discover we can NOT do best the fathering thing any more than we can do any other important thing alone. Pole vaulting and eight seconds on Bodacious are solo achievements. But the best stuff of our lives is usually done together. Even fathering.

My take on it is that bringing both new ideas (plenty of parenting books out there) and old ones (like grandfather ones) are the best way to go. That would mean new fathers and old ones. It really is a team sport. Serious and fun at the same time.

Now, why? Why will I talk most about fathering? Because it’s me. This spot is where I talk about myself first time and last so it won’t clog future contributions.

“Popi, you’re really old.” That’s a quote from my middle of five grandwonderkids. Being a dad and grand dad is first. Well, just behind my Walk with God alongside my spouse of 45 fresh years. In quick succession let me tell you what ingredients from my life spill in to the cake mix. Wheaton grad in journalism and football, then Navy’s hottest fighter pilot (at least for the 30 mano-a-mano seconds it took to bag a MiG), Campus Crusader, pastor (two years was all it took to discover my non-gift), Pentagon medium light-weight (came back out of the reserves, made captain after being on President Reagan’s aide staff), co-founding one large and three small mission agencies then one large and three small global businesses to serve as missions platforms in Muslim countries.

Last chapter of my many has shaped more of my profile than the others; I came out of the closet…as the cowboy I’d always been. Bought a mountain ranch in Colorado and became the long-haired rancher-cowboy I am today. This is where the family drama unfolds and where the basis for the book was laid that my soninlaw, Matt, and I are writing. He’s the Marriage and Family Therapist. He knows stuff. I just write stuff. Our book: Generational Fathering. We’re putting up the first run of our book web site this week (we’d love you to take part there and here, both) is www.GenerationalFathering.com . We’ve just begun serious writing, and the blog site invites your participation.

The most produced play in our history, Our Town, is about every one of those moments and people we didn’t value while we were present with them. Even Twittering can’t seem to capture them. But our heart does. And leaving behind a legacy, a dad's legacy, is learning to capture the value of the moments we live and the people most significant to us and those on whom we make the most impact.

Where I will drop in on you, fairly frequently, is working on relationships between fathers and between generations. This mantra will overlay a hope that we each as fathers can leave our legacy to bring about good and godly children who will replicate the holy work of fathering for generation after generation.

This being my innaugural, would you mind writing back a quickie to give me hints of your interest and, perhaps, of your potential interaction on these Legacy Dad topics?

Character...

The Measure of a Man

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands inmoments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challengeand controversy

I found out that the things that hurt us the most can becomethe fuel and the catalyst that propel us toward our destiny. It will eithermake you bitter or it will make you better.

Every great institution is the lengthened shadow of a singleman. His character determines the character of his organization

 
 

Thisbook contains the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, the doomof sinners and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its preceptsare binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read itto be wise, believe it to be safe, and practice it to be holy. It containslight to direct you, food to support you, and comfort to cheer you. It is thetravelers map, the pilgrims staff, the pilots compass, the soldiers sword, andthe Christians character. Here paradise is restored, Heaven opened, and thegates of hell disclosed. Christ is its grand object, our good is its design,and the glory of God its end. It should fill the memory, rule the heart, andguide the feet. Read it slowly, frequently, and prayerfully. It is given you inlife and will be opened in the judgement and will be remembered forever. Itinvolves the highest responsibility, will reward the greatest labour, and willcondemn all who trifle with its sacred contents. 

Anonymous

A Different Perspective on Biblical Stewardship

 

Proverbs 22:7 (New International Version)

 ⁷ The rich rule over the poor, 
       and the borrower is servant to the lender.

ANY QUESTIONS?

Build the Walls

Build the Walls

1Corinthians 6:15

Listen to this passage

¹⁵Do younot know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take themembers of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!

1Corinthians 6:19-20

Listen to this passage

¹⁹Do younot know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom youhave received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you werebought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Ephesians 6:10-17 (New International Version)

The Armor of God   

 ¹⁰Finally,be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put onthe full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil'sschemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh andblood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers ofthis dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenlyrealms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, sothat when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, andafter you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴Stand firmthen, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate ofrighteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted withthe readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶Inaddition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you canextinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Takethe helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Nehemiah 4:15-18 (New International Version)   

 ¹⁵ Whenour enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustratedit, we all returned to the wall, each to his own work.

 ¹⁶ Fromthat day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equippedwith spears, shields, bows and armor. The officers posted themselves behind allthe people of Judah ¹⁷ who were building the wall.Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon inthe other, ¹⁸ and each of the builders wore hissword at his side as he worked. But the man who sounded the trumpet stayed withme.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwcm_bLdqrE&hl=en_US&fs=1&&w=425&h=344]

Let’sjust get to the quick of it, your bodies are a living temple of God’s.  You were bought with a price through JesusChrist and you are now a child of the Living God.  Do you want to live the rest of your days onthis earth as status quo or do you want more out of life?  Do you want to be the Spiritual leader thatGod wants you to be?  Follow his word andjust don’t read it, but listen to it, eat it daily and grow in stature bybecoming a disciple of Christ.  I embeddedan image from the movie, Lord of the Rings.  I think the symbolism is very appropriate inthat we do not wrestle against flesh and blood…we need to equip ourselves dailyand be prepared for war.  We need to readthe Bible, pray continuously and obey God’s precepts.  We are a holy people and we cannot serve twomasters:  God and Sin.  The two do not go together and God is notmocked.  Imagine the walls in the videoclip are actually the walls of our heart and if we give in to the ways of thisworld and do not allow God to be Lord over our lives.  We are at war with an enemy who is taking noprisoners.  What fruit is your walkbearing?  The fruit of the Spirit or ofthe sinful nature? (Galatians 5)  Thechoice is yours…are you ready? Let's get serious about discipleship and your call to Spiritual Leadership.  

Pure Religion...

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Cameras, family and hoopla surrounded Cleo Matthysse's joyful arrival Saturday afternoon at O'Hare International Airport with new parents Ryan and Sue Matthysse of Crown Point. But his new big brother, 4-year-old Preston, had a question.

"Daddy, won't he miss his nana in Haiti?" he asked about the 15-month-old orphan from Petionville, on the outskirts of earthquake-damaged Port-au-Prince.

"I'm sure he'll miss a lot of things about Haiti," Ryan Matthysse told him. "But now he has a mom and a dad and a big sister and a big brother, and we're going to love him just like we love each other."

The exchange captured both the jubilation and work required for families of adopted Haitians.

"This is an example of beauty from ashes," Matthysse said of his new son, who was dressed in a blue argyle sweater and calmly sucking his thumb. "God is good."

The Matthysses were one of several Chicago-area families reunited with their adoptive Haitian children as the week came to a close.

Kim Lewen traveled to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., with three other families to meet five Haitian orphans they were adopting. The children had been airlifted in a helicopter from an orphanage outside of Port-au-Prince and loaded onto a charted flight to the United States.

As Lewen walked into her Willowbrook home Friday, her two new daughters wrapped tightly in her arms, the reality of the situation hit her — after months of bureaucratic wrangling and a devastating earthquake that stranded the girls at a mountaintop orphanage, she had become a mother.

"It's really amazing," Lewen said. "We just ate dinner and now I am going to give them a bath.

"It is just the simple things — that they are going to go to bed here, that I know where they are, that I can wake up in the morning and they will still be here."

-----------------

‘A child of my heart’

Ryan and Susan Matthysse arrived in Miami on Thursday evening to reunite with Cleo, a 15-month-old Haitian boy they adopted. Submitted photo

Couple arrive in Miami to pick up 15-month-old Haitian boy

By Kim King

Published: Friday, January 22, 2010 2:18 AM CST

Staff Writer

1-866-362-2167 Ext. 13858

kking@heraldargus.com

The excitement Susan Matthysse felt was evident in her voice as she waited with her husband to board a 2:05 p.m. flight from Chicago to Miami.

It wasn’t because she was leaving behind the bitter northwest Indiana weather.

Susan and her husband, Ryan Matthysse, were flying to sunny Florida to meet up with the newest member of their family, Cleo, a 15-month-old from Haiti.

The couple, both 33, have been in the process of adopting a child from Haiti for years, according to Susan. They first heard about Cleo seven months ago, and made a trip to the Caribbean country in November 2009 when they spent three days getting to know the toddler, filling out paperwork for the adoption and meeting with a judge.

Susan says she had the same feeling in the first moments with Cleo on that trip as she did upon first seeing her biological children, ages 4 and 6.

“He’s a child of my heart,” Susan gushed on Thursday afternoon at Chicago O’Hare International Airport.

Following a 7.0-magnitude earthquake in Haiti on Jan. 12, the Matthysses immediately sought the assistance of their congressman, Pete Visclosky, to help in getting custody of Cleo. Susan said she was at the couple’s Crown Point home when she first heard of the quake.

“We were concerned right away,” she said, noting her husband had just returned home from his job as worship and arts director at Faith Church in Dyer. “We began praying immediately.”

The orphanage in Haiti where Cleo lived at the time posted a message on its Web site within an hour of the earthquake saying all the children had survived the tremor. According to Susan, the children and staff of the orphanage had to sleep outside the first night after the earthquake for fear of being hurt by aftershocks and unstable structures.

“There were angels protecting the orphanage,” she said. “We were praying for a miracle and we were extremely concerned.”

The couple was elated Wednesday evening when they received an e-mail telling them Cleo had received a visa and would be arriving in Miami on Thursday evening.

“I’m so excited, and exhausted,” Susan explained. “I’m also nervous.”

Nervous, she said, because she wants the adjustment to be a smooth one for Cleo to his new home in the U.S. with her husband and two children.

“I’m confident it will go OK,” Susan said, adding the couple’s church members are incredibly supportive of the adoption, as are their family and friends. “I’m getting Facebook messages from people from all over saying they are praying for us and supporting us.”

The plane carrying Cleo and other Haitian orphans is expected to arrive in Miami around 6 p.m., according to Susan, who said the couple will wait at the airport for the child to arrive. The pair’s other two children stayed home in Indiana with Susan’s parents. It is a time the Matthysses have been anticipating for quite a while.

The adoption, which is being handled through Bethany Christian Services, was originally expected to take a year or more to be finalized.

“My husband and I felt strongly that God’s plan for our family was to adopt,” Susan said. “We felt God led us to Haiti.”

Grease the wheels, prime the pump and dare to dream for a better life

It takes a little warming up

Following up to Lance’s post, I was struck with the idea ofjust how many marriages out there just seem to be doing okay.  I mean “okay”?  Seriously, is that all that you want fromlife is okay?  Are you okay with beingmediocre in marriage?  Are you okay withbeing just a mediocre Christian?  Are youokay with just okay?  Surely God wantsmore from you.  Don’t you want more outof life then just okay? 

Have you ever heard of the expression of “greasing thewheels?”  How about the expression “primingthe pump?”  Marriage is a lot like thatin the sense that you, as spiritual leader have to do more in the marriage thenjust mediocrity.  If you are good atsports, then at some point you had to practice to be better.  If you are good at something it is usuallynot just because you were granted that gift from God that made you great.  Even the best of us continually practice andpractice until they can practice no more and they still believe that they canmake it better.

What if we say that about our wives?  What if we decided here and now that ourwives will get 2^nd Best behind us serving and committing our life toChrist.  What if right here and now wesaid, “Dear Lord, please be Lord over my entire life and I will trust and obeyyour every precept and desire for my life?”, do you think that God will bless aman that said that prayer and repented of his sinful ways.  What if we committed in our lives right nowthat from here on out, that God would be number one, our wives would be number two,our kids (if you have them) will be number three and then our jobs andcommunity would be behind that along with our hobbies and other desires.  Imagine with me, just for a moment, what thatwould look like.

So where do you begin? Any step of leadership you take toward submitting (trusting and obeying)God would be questionable, at best, to your wives.  And especially any act of kindness orsincerity toward your wife may be suspect if you have always been disingenuousbefore in the past.  She would probablyjust think that you are trying to make “nice nice” so you can lure her intoyour bed.  Don’t go that route.  Instead, just decide here and now that youare going to be a new man in Christ.  Askhim each morning to direct your path and to guide your footsteps and to leadyou in the way that will bless your marriage, your family and especially your relationshipwith him.

If you take this step, then we promise that with dailyreading of the Word and daily prayers (daily = throughout the day) then youwill reap the reward of a great (not an okay) but a great marriage.

Dare to dream, dream to dare and make those dreams a realityby trusting and obeying the very word of God.  

Hungry Like The Wolf: A Husbands Sexual Desire

I often get emails and comments on marriage. The women always ask “How do I get my husband to be more romantic and connected?” and the men usually ask “How do I get my wife to have more sex and respect me more?” Equally, couples look at my wife and I and marvel at our relationship and its depth and ask similar questions. I have struggled for a long time with these answers and watched many friends and couples fall apart due to infidelity or lack of romance in the relationship. I often thought that God just somehow blessed my marriage with something others didn’t have. While I know God blessed my marriage, I also know that my wife and I focus on each other rather than ourselves in our marriage and this seems to make a big difference.

While I have struggled to find the words to be able to explain this, author Fred Stoeker of Every Man’s Battle/Marriage/ Challenge explained something that struck a chord and I wanted to share this with you.

To the men’s question, I believe Fred describes this very well and I found myself nodding and agreeing. For the men who have taken this challenge, we can say that this does work. To those who have not tried this, you’ll just have to trust us.

Here are some of Fred’s paraphrased comments:

The world was coming in loud and clear when I was growing up, especially the part about my tremendous sex drive being a natural, good thing. I wanted some kind of sexual experience every day of my life. During one stretch as an adolescent, it was a rare day when that didn’t happen. I was proud of my sex drive. The way I saw it, I was a real man who wasn’t easily satisfied. So my desire for women just grew and grew. Yet sadly, there was something else developing just as rapidly right alongside my sex drive.

During much of my life, I lived in the lonely world of disconnection, and my abilities to separate and alienate myself from others became an art form. I lacked the ability to truly bond with anyone because I wasn’t willing to share who I really was with anyone. Every day I was busier and busier building a façade of who I thought I was supposed to be or, more precisely, who I thought I was supposed to look like. I took my cues from the media and the pop culture of the day. As a superficially connected person, I sought out superficial relationships with people who were just as disconnected to others as they were with me. We spent a lot of time and effort looking and trying to act important and trying to live up to this faux standard that society sold us.

I became a loveless, disconnected man who used women and sex to feel some sort of connection. As long as I was involved with someone sexually, at least I felt involved with someone at some level. But having sex never satisfied my need for real connection, and I often left the encounter feeling empty and afraid. When I did not want to put in the effort of finding a woman to satisfy my sexual desires, the internet, porn and strip clubs would easily take a woman’s place. It was emotionally safe, easy and required no effort on my part.

Then a miracle happened: Someone fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. When that genuine love experience occurred, I felt my soul beginning to heal. For the first time in my life, I begin to focus on her needs instead of my needs. True love does that. Love brought out the best in me and freed me to share my insecurities. For the first time, I dropped my masks, my façade and let someone see me in true form. Love beat down the path to my heart, and I was willing to be vulnerable and to connect with another person, which was amazing. Life became rich and deep. My relationship was so fulfilling that there was no desire to rush into sex because a fulfilling soul doesn’t need instant gratification. True love really can wait, because there’s no rush to return to the empty pit of superficial gratification. 

Eventually our love was experienced in a physical way, but I was still amazed at how easily I could control my sex drive. It became manageable rather than something that managed me. I desired her and only her and no other woman or porn would satisfy me anymore. I was no less male, just a male in control of himself. I gave rather than took and connected rather than controlled. I knew her better from the inside rather than just touching the surface of who she was. Those experiences were nothing short of divine. There is a standing joke among married men that once you put on the ring of marriage; it seems women all of a sudden find you more attractive, now that you are taken. While this may or may not be true, I think women are probably attracted to a man that is in control of his emotions and desires, rather than gawk and drool like a crazed wolf at every woman that passes by. This type of man is secure with himself, in control and has discovered that connecting with a woman on a deeper level than just the physical can be equally intoxicating and fulfilling.

This does not end with your marital vows, it is just the beginning. Every day with your wife is a new day to discover her more deeply and richly than the previous one. Once you continue to pursue, romance and discover your wife, she will become increasingly sexual attracted to you and want to instigate sex with you. For that to happen, you will have to do a very scary thing. You will have to step out of yourself and get interested in her life. You will have to put away everything you do to gratify your sexual desires and allow them to return to their normal place. This means no porn, no flirting, nothing. This may seem impossible to some. If that’s true, than you haven’t been willing to surrender your life to God’s truth and you haven’t surrendered your whole heart to your wife. That is when the connection can be made and your life can be lived to the fullest. God made us to fulfill our wives not for our wives to fulfill us.

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

What this tells me is that God gave us our sexuality for our partner, not for ourselves. Sex is not about you. Your sexuality exists in the relationship for her pleasure, and her sexuality exists in the relationship for yours. It’s a two way street and if either partner is not meeting their end, the sex will become less frequent and less desirable. But when we control our own desires and focus our attention and passion on our wives and our wives desires, she will naturally become more responsive. I stress that this is not some tool to be employed once a month or only on Valentine’s Day, it is a daily routine and choice that is to be worked at and developed consistently. I challenge you to try this for 90 days or better yet, grab the book The Love Dare and follow the program day by day. You will not only see a greater sex life but you and your wife will begin to connect on a level that you may have never experienced before. The level that God truly intended every marriage to be at.

Biblical Stewardship through Proverbs

Proverbs 12

 ¹ Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, 
       but he who hates correction is stupid.

 ² A good man obtains favor from the LORD, 
       but the LORD condemns a crafty man.

 ³ A man cannot be established through wickedness, 
       but the righteous cannot be uprooted.

 ⁴ A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, 
       but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

 ⁵ The plans of the righteous are just, 
       but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.

 ⁶ The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, 
       but the speech of the upright rescues them.

 ⁷ Wicked men are overthrown and are no more, 
       but the house of the righteous stands firm.

 ⁸ A man is praised according to his wisdom, 
       but men with warped minds are despised.

 ⁹ Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant 
       than pretend to be somebody and have no food.

 ¹⁰ A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, 
       but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.

 ¹¹ He who works his land will have abundant food, 
       but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.

 ¹² The wicked desire the plunder of evil men, 
       but the root of the righteous flourishes.

 ¹³ An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, 
       but a righteous man escapes trouble.

 ¹⁴ From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things 
       as surely as the work of his hands rewards him.

 ¹⁵ The way of a fool seems right to him, 
       but a wise man listens to advice.

 ¹⁶ A fool shows his annoyance at once, 
       but a prudent man overlooks an insult.

 ¹⁷ A truthful witness gives honest testimony, 
       but a false witness tells lies.

 ¹⁸ Reckless words pierce like a sword, 
       but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

 ¹⁹ Truthful lips endure forever, 
       but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

 ²⁰ There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, 
       but joy for those who promote peace.

 ²¹ No harm befalls the righteous, 
       but the wicked have their fill of trouble.

 ²² The LORD detests lying lips, 
       but he delights in men who are truthful.

 ²³ A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, 
       but the heart of fools blurts out folly.

 ²⁴ Diligent hands will rule, 
       but laziness ends in slave labor.

 ²⁵ An anxious heart weighs a man down, 
       but a kind word cheers him up.

 ²⁶ A righteous man is cautious in friendship, ^[a] 
       but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

 ²⁷ The lazy man does not roast ^[b] his game, 
       but the diligent man prizes his possessions.

 ²⁸ In the way of righteousness there is life; 
       along that path is immortality.

MY NOTES:  1. If youlove the Lord follow his commands and be obedient because knowing God is knowledge.  2 When we follow his precepts we find favorin God. 3 When we live in obedience and follow his ways, then we cannot beuprooted. 5 Our plans, in God’s will, will be just. 6 When we guard outtongues, like the Book of James says, then we can avoid trouble. 7 When we arewalking with God and he is moving in us then our house (our body is our temple)will stand firm (Philippians 1:27). 9 Being a nobody, in this context, reallymeans complete contentment with where we are in life and more especially who weare in God (Philippians 4:12B-13).  11Nothing in this life is for free except salvation – we have to work for ourfood and we will have our daily bread.  13In this life we will face trials and tribulations as sons of God, but God willprovide a way for us to avoid trouble. 14 Let your speech edify God and love others and let your hands (yourwork) bless others and you too will be blessed. 15 When we listen to others, who are wise or well experienced, then weare wise for the better 16 Be slow to speak, quick to listen and especiallyoverlook any insults and you will be the better for it.  18 When we are slow to speak, our words canbring healing to any situation 22 God delights in those who tell the truth 25Do not worry (Mathew 6) be kind to others and love your number building him upand encouraging, urging and comforting him in times of need.  28 Following God’s way is the ONLY WAY – He isthe way, the truth and the life…