It's been awhile

Wow, what a summer.  Hard working dad, kids playing, summer cookouts, running, jumping and playing - where does all the time go.  We are looking forward to Lance returning for some much needed family time (praying for you brother!) and for legacy dad's around the world.  As you know, the three of us have been very busy.  Gary is in the process of unveiling Generational Fathering (if you Google that - you can find him very simply).  I have been going through some tenuous trials and tribulations in my life and have been patient, for the most part going through these.

The one thing that would really help the three of us, if is you readers would give us comments, feedback and or questions and concerns about being a legacy dad.  I have stated three very important pillars of legacy that we have to yield to in order to be successful (in other words, to be a better disciple):  They are 1) Biblical Purity 2) Biblical Stewardship & 3) Discipleship.  Purity, I think, is the best way that we can align ourself with obedience and move from a "pew sitter" to a heavy hitter in the Kingdom of God.  Through Purity, we can allow the Holy Spirit free reign in our lives and to direct and lead us to the men that God wants us to be.  

Stewardship is the next phase in which we, legacy dads, can be obedient with our fruit and honor God with our giving.  But this is not just about tithing, rather, this is about are very act of Worship.  Through Stewardship, we are able to test God (the only time in Scripture that it says we can ever test God, the Italian book - The Book of Malachi 3:10).  Through Stewardship comes biblical contentment and true humility.  Through Stewardship, we learn through the Holy Scriptures, how to impact others in the Kingdom through giving of our tithes and offerings to the Lord.

Discipleship is a life long process.  To put it simply, we have to move to the school of "Less of Me & More of God."  If we can move to obedience and true repentance, then we can learn God's will for our lives through prayer, reading of Scripture, preaching, praise and teaching.  We can grow into the men that God wants us to be.  It ain't easy, but it sure is worth a lot more than what the things of this world can give you.  As the Book of Ecclesiastes tells us, "everything under the sun is pure vanity without God."

It's time we hear from you!

Dante

Prayer Legacy

 
Today, I spent "nap time" at this prayer tower.  Instead of napping with my wife and three kids I opted for the small incline walk to the prayer tower on top of the Dunes in Michigan.  I decided to read through the book of Ecclesiastes.  I like what the "Preacher" (aka Solomon) had to see about everything under the Sun as mere vanity.  We are but a vapor, and what we do here on earth should be to the best of our gifts and abilities to eat, drink have joy and honor God (not in that particular order).  Some excerpts from Ecclesiastes:  1:12, "And I applied my heart to seek and to search out wisdom all that is done under heaven."  1:18, "For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow."  2:11, "Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind."  2:24, "There is nothing better for a person that he should eat and drink and to find enjoyment."  Chapter 3, there is always a time for everything (in God's time).  3:12-13, "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone shoudl eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man."  3:16, "Moreover, I saw under the sun hat in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of rightenousness, even there was wickedness, I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work."  3:22, "So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work for that is his lot."  4:9, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil...(vs12b)...a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  5:1, "Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.  To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools...(vs2b) let your words be few...(vs 4b) Pay what you vow."  6:9, "Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite; this also is vanity and a striving after wind (in other words, Lust)."  7:3, "Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad."  7:9-12, "Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools....Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun.  For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money..."  7:21, "Do not take to heart alll the things that people say..."  8:3b, "Do not take your stand in an evil cause...(vs 5) Whoever kees a command will know no evil thing."  8:11b, "the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil."  8:12b, "I know that it will be well with those who fear God, because they fear before him."  9:9, "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun,"  11:5, "As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do no know the work of God who makes everything."  11:9b, "Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes.  But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement."  12:13, "The end of the matter; all has been heard, Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment with every secret tihng, whether good or evil." 

As I ended my time finishing my Bible reading and in prayer, I walked back down the dune and found this plaque (pictured above) and was struck with the amount of prayer that occured at this retreat center.  I was amazed at all of God's answered prayers to his believers and the missions and non-for-profits that blossomed through answered prayers.  The list is amazing.  I am still surprised that, we as Christians, forget the power of prayer.  When we pray, in God's will (not ours), he hears our prayers and he will make our paths straight and will prosper his Kingdom.

The quote on the bottom the plaque above, needs to be re-written for our readers (and for some of our readers, that is, our legacy dads) here you go.  "Our legacy for our legacy dads is the foundation of www.legacydad.com is our future.  This bequest challenges succeeding generations to stand firm on God's Word, and proclaim it without compromise to the world." 

Do you ever catch a lion backing down?

I am not sure about the rest of you, but my six year old son is intrigued with octopusses and also lions.  He absolutely loves God's creatures and has hundreds of questions ranging from T-Rexes to dolphins.  Lucklily, I am able to hold my own with him so I am not too intimidated by the childs inquiries.  This past week I have been on vacation with my family and have been enjoying the solititude with my wife and kids and other family members along the way. 

This morning, the teaching Pastor that is visiting from Bethel University asked a poignant question, a question that really struck a chord with me and I am wrestling through this one thoroughly.  It lead me to title this entry, "Do you ever catch a lion backing down?"  God created this wonderful animal.  Some call the lion the King of the Jungle.  C.S. Lewis referenced on of his main characters, a lion, called Aslan who has a striking identity to the Lord Jesus Christ (nice symbolism C.S Lewis).  The answer, simply put, is never.  Never do you see a lion backing down.  The other important point is that we never saw Jesus backing down from any situation that he was put in here on earth.  When he was tempted, he quoted scripture.  When he was fatigued and struggling with the stress and magnitude of life, he went to prayer.  When his disciples (and friends) were in need of direction and comfort, Jesus was there to comfort, encourage and urge these men to do better in life. 

When Jesus was faced with the ultimate struggle, that is, to lay one's life down for his friends, he did just that.  Yes, he struggled with it and yes he asked his father (in prayer) to take this burden (this cup) from him, but he never backed down from his responsibility.  He prayed, to his Father, "Not my will be done, but your will..." This is what we call unbelievable grace and a guarantee that those who call Jesus Lord and Savior can be assured that no one, no thing or no power in hell can ever take us away from him. 

So back to the Pastor's question, "What is the condition of your heart?"  That really is a loaded question, because that can reflect negative feelings on so many different levels.  For instance, do you struggle with image problems (if only I could lose 20 pounds, or lift weights more), or do you struggle with pornography (read Galatians 5 on this one), or do you struggle with bitterness, that is, has someone or some event in your life wronged you?  Are you alllowing any of these things or other things affect the condition of your heart?  If you are, you are letting God down!

Whoa, did I just say that?  Yes I did.  We are the clay and he is the potter.  We are his instruments and he is the master.  We are hear because he made that so.  He has made each and everyone of us special and unique and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Why do we allow the ways and things of this world detract from us and rob us of communion and fellowship with God?  Why do we refuse to move closer to God (Read James) and move further to the pleasures of this world? 

So what is the condition of your heart?  Is their bitterness and grumbling for circumstances that you or someone else has put you in?  Is there an event or a circumstance that has robbed you of this complete Joy with God?  If the answer is yes, then there is a way back to this wonderful fellowship with God (I am working my way back there this week).  First, pray and read God's word daily.  Second, talk to God about whatever it is that is keeping the condition of your heart in a bad place and ask him to make you anew and to change you from the inside out.  Thirdly, wait on Him.  The Bible says, "Strength will rise to those who wait on the Lord."  Finally, when you seek Him, pray to him, not my will, but your will be done. 

Blessings,

Dante

Memoirs of a Ragamuffin: Part 2

The kingdom of God belongs to people who are not trying to look good and not plotting to make a political move for the sake of self. It belongs to those who do not care what others think, do, or say. It belongs to those who know how dirty, helpless, and lost they really are. The apostle Paul realized this when he said, "All I can say is that I forget the past and I strain ahead for what is still to come" (Philippians 3:13). Of all people, he understood his failings. He was there for the stoning of Stephen. He dragged men, women, and children from their homes to be executed. He carried the burden of his past along with him. Yet, it is Paul who understands completely the meaning of grace. His life is a testimony of that fact, his letters spelling it out for the world. Whatever past achievements might bring us honor, whatever past disgraces might make us blush, all have been crucified with Christ and exist no more except in the deep recesses of eternity, where good is enhanced into glory and evil miraculously established as part of the greater good.

Jesus called people to humble themselves "as little children," to put on His yoke, to take upon themselves His burden. And, Jesus said, the scorned "little ones" would be given a place at the table of God! This is the Gospel for ragamuffins. This was a lesson that was difficult for the religious of Jesus' day to swallow. Likewise, it's a lesson with which we continue to struggle today. The salvation Jesus brought cannot be earned. He shattered the myth that our works demand payment in return. We cannot barter with God. Our very existence depends not on us, but on God's good pleasure. Our doing becomes the very undoing of the ragamuffin gospel. Jesus calls us to be holy, pure, and perfect (as your Father in heaven is perfect). But with all of our piety, our self-denial, our plans and purposes to do good, we so easily focus on the checklist, and not on the God of grace. We gradually fall into the trap of slipping from sinners saved by grace to sinners working our way God. And when this happens, we construct a dangerous and false image

of who we really are. 

When Jesus said to Zacchaeus, "I would like to have dinner with you," He was in fact saying, "Come and have a relationship with me, be my friend, enjoy fellowship with me. I want to know you." This broke every social law that the Jews had. When Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors, he was challenging the very structure of Jewish society. When Jesus sat down with the unclean, he was in effect taking away their shame, their guilt, and treating them as equals. He showed them that they mattered and bestowed upon them a sense of dignity. Christians who are status seekers become very selective about their dinner guests. Like the Pharisees in Jesus' day, they wonder what people will say as they assemble their invitation lists. Jesus, on the other hand, concerned Himself with how He could encourage and bless hurting people. He was an example in His day and remains one for us today. The ragamuffin gospel is a message to the unwashed. The ragamuffins of our world surround us just as they gathered around Jesus, and the ragamuffin Christian is one who searches out the broken person and brings him a message of hope.

How long will it be before we realize we cannot dazzle God with our accomplishments? When will we realize that we cannot buy God's approval? We are filthy rags. We will always be that way. Authentic faith means that we look deep inside and understand this fact. If we are serious about changing our lives and the lives of others, we must first realize we cannot do it by ourselves. A deep understanding of sin and being a sinner is the first step in healing. And yet, the most religious of us are the ones dangerously close to damnation. Caiaphas, the high priest, was well versed in the structure and institutions of the Jewish laws. Caiaphas was dedicated to the institution, the nation, but failed to see the ragamuffins before him. Caiaphas represents all of those who have become puffed up and arrogant to the detriment of the outcast and unwanted. He represents those who condemn good people who break bad religious laws.

Excerpt from The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, copyright 2000 by Brennan Manning. Summarized by Christian Book Summaries with permission of the publisher.

Memoirs of a Ragamuffin: Part 1

Today's culture prides itself on security, wealth, circumstance, social status, and personal achievement. Tragically, the Church has bought into these spurious values. Too many believers are caught in the web of competing with one another and pursuing these man-made goals, partitioned from those who need to hear the Gospel. Our religious rules and regulations strangle life out of the message God wishes to send. Only when we embrace God's grace can we bask in the joy of a gospel that cherishes and nurtures the neediest of His flock~the ragamuffins. 

Many Christians today give lip service to the gospel of grace, but still live their lives as if personal discipline and self-denial will mold them into the person God desires. This is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Although discipline is a vital part of the Christian experience, a misguided focus places the emphasis on us and what we are or are not doing and makes the gospel of grace irrelevant.

 
Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace. When we really, truly start to understand what grace means what Jesus did on the cross our lives will be transformed. Jesus came for sinners, outcasts, tax collectors, tramps, those with failed dreams and failed lives, the ragamuffins of our world.

Grace is loving the unlovely, not loving the lovely. Grace is forgiving the unforgivable, not forgiving those who are trying their best, but occasionally slip. When we grasp this concept, this kind of grace, then the Christian experience becomes triumphant. The Christian church has somehow bought into the notion that the pious, the pure in heart, the proper, and those not stained by life's improprieties are the only ones to be allowed into the kingdom of God. 

Something is radically wrong when the church rejects a person who has been accepted by Jesus. Without flinching, too many Christians deny the divorcee communion, refuse to baptize the child of a prostitute, and mercilessly judge the homosexual. Jesus came to the ungodly, not the godly. He knew that the sick people needed a physician, not the healthy ones. His greatest wrath was saved up for the superspiritual, the pious and religious - those who should have known grace and should have lived it, but condemned and judged instead. All we need do is look at the Bible for the triumphant. There they are, the spoiled, the soiled, the ones who so wanted to be faithful, but could not. Defeated by trials, weary, and wearing the bloody garments of a failed life, they somehow clung to the faith. This is the gospel of grace.

Excerpt from The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, copyright 2000 by Brennan Manning. Summarized by Christian Book Summaries with permission of the publisher.

STRAWBERRY-M&M-OREO SHAKE AND 12.5

Taylor is going to be here in 13 minutes for the promised run for a cold one.

Here in Utah with a 12 year old boy, even though he’s in prep for his “Year of Manhood” ceremony, this cold one will be a Chills shake at the local hangout. Another thing about rural Utah, “local” can be in the next town set up in the early Mormon era a day’s wagon train ride between towns. Today, the 10 miles is 15 minutes.

We’re ready for another heart and soul chat. Taylor knows his dad and I are writing a book, but doesn’t know yet that he will figure into it. But, now that we’re staying the summer, it’s even harder to get calm, un-busy face time than webcam time when we were in California.

Ok, we’re back. All Chilled out. Well, we didn’t get off to such a hot start. Didn’t exactly fit granddad’s imagined generational melding. It’s only a 15 minute drive; just right for the warm-up chat with the questions I’d planned.

Next week is camp. Gotta get my heart stuff in without seeming too obvious, too preachy. Woops, he found my new Blackberry. I didn’t even know it had games. Silence. Then a shriek. Taylor finished his first game as number 1,866,432. I kid you not. By the time we hit Chills he gloatingly crowed, “I’m up over 200,000 people in two games!” I said something funny about thanking my gene pool and added, “So glad you and two million Millennial nerds are living through your thumbs, but not willing to talk to a human like you old Popi on our man-date.”

Want a summary of what was in our Strawberry-M&M-Oreo shake chat? Here it is in our Q&A dialog:
So, Taylor, next week you’ll hear important stuff about how to live for Christ. The kind of camp you’re going to sponsored by Bible and Baptist churches will teach you about following the rules set out in the Bible, about letting God direct your thoughts, maybe about witnessing for your faith, even missionary service. I’m excited for you. I’m picturing all my Christian camps. Wish I were a fly on the wall of your cabin.

So, how do you think it will improve your Christian life?” Taylor scarcely paused. Said something like, “It will help me learn more about God. And I’ll meet new friends.” He’s 12.5.

“You know, if it were sponsored by another group of serious Christian churches, you would get more emphasis on the importance of realizing who you are, developing a purpose in life, treating others well, and, especially, about being happy. Think about it. If someone offered you a week of camp on a beautiful lake in the mountains and let you chose which type of camp you could go to, which would it be; serious about obeying and serving God or about being happy and treating others well?

This time he paused, rather long, in fact. Time enough for another Strawberry-M&M-Oreo spoonful. I couldn’t tell for sure if the ”right” answer or one from his serious perceptive side would emerge, (but it was time enough for me to smile with the fading recollection of my own thoughts at 12-ish and of how truly insightful that age is becoming as the clays of physical, emotional, and intellectual being firm up). Then he said, “The Bible one and learning more about telling people about God. ” “Want me to surprise you and tell you which I’d chose now that I am old and can look back?” (Taylor loves it when I pull the ‘older and wiser’ act because we’re usually in for ribbing fest .)

I don’t recall verbatim what I continued with (another ‘old’ thing), but I remember feeling deeply as I spoke, enjoying the living metaphor of camp and life. “I would go to neither one and would pay for another kind of camp out of my allowance if I knew someone would teach me about what I had to learn through my life. I learned way too much by taking the wrong path or deciding something was God’s plan for me when it wasn’t. I would want someone to assure me I am part of God’s Story written just for me. And, I wish someone would let me in on how God himself was longing for me to truly enjoy Him and how He wanted me to experience real joy in life by being close with Him. Yes, and if I could design my camp based on what I’ve learned over these years of walking with Christ, I would want guys in my cabin to talk about how the Father puts arms around us and nourishes us and listens closely to what we laugh about, what makes us weep, and about our dreams.

“So, Taylor, designing my own camp experience, I would want to learn early in life how God cares about my heart more than anything. Remember, the enemy of our soul is on a campaign, a war, actually, to steal our heart and keep it from God. His favorite trick is to let us do Christian things without a heart completely given to God.“

What’s Taylor doing during this maybe-too-deep soliloquy? Starting to drift off signaled by eyeing the remainder of the Strawberry-M&M-Oreo Dixie Cup. So I said in a tone suggesting I was winding up. “Hey, all of these other things offered by the other camps are actually important. Just remember, God is not pleased just because you do all these good Christian things. We please Him by who we are deep inside. Then I came up with a cutie, and it was just right to turn it back over to him. “So it’s not Christian rules that please God, but how Christ rules.” They may look the same to others. That’s a good thing. But it looks far different to God. He enjoys the behavior that comes from the heart that belongs to Him.

It wasn’t long before we saddle up and headed home with 15 minutes to turn the sermon into dialog. But, my moment of generational fathering had come and gone. Now it was 2 million players of a thumb game through my Blackberry. I took comfort for some reason that before we hit home, Taylor was already 1,244,551 out of 2m. ”That’s my boy!” And he’s only 12.5. Surely there is now a cyber-genius emerging from my gene pool…who walks with God.

ATTENTION LEGACY DADERS AND VISITORS. TELL ME ABOUT THE LENGTH OF A POST THAT'S 1000 WORDS, BUT TELLS A STORY. GETTING READY TO LAUNCH A NEW COMPANION BLOG, GENDADS.

COMMENT HERE OR DIRECTLY AT gary@gendads.com.

Generation Me

Interesting summary of the book ‘Generation Me’ by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D. Twenge suggests a different interpretation of some of the commonly held conceptions of the generation variously referred to as Generation Y, iGeneration, the Millenials, and in this case, Generation Me.

This book and summary gives some great insights into today’s young adults and also our own children. It contrasts the way today’s youth process and perceive themselves and society as well as hinting to parents why our childrens generation will be vastly different from ours.

Twenge begins her introduction to Generation Me with the concept that “we are a much more informal and accepting society than we once were” (pg. 18). As a result of changing social mores, the rules that once governed polite society are no longer as strict, or universally accepted as they were for past generations. “Compared to Boomers . . . GenMe is twice as likely to agree with the statement There is no single right way to live” (pg. 19).

 
In place of the commonly held standards of past generations, Twenge argues that what is most important to this generation are the choices of the individual, leading to a generation of individuals whose attitudes are summed up by the statement, “As long as I believe in myself, I really do not care what others think.” Twenge gives examples from modern pop culture that support this theory, both as influences and reflections of the generation they represent. Movies like the Majestic, Pleasantville, and Bend It Like Beckham, dramatize what Twenge calls “two interlocking changes: the fall of social rules and the rise of the individual” (pg. 22) She also uses changes in dance styles, from the rigidity of the Arthur Miller method to the free-form dances of today, to illustrate this shift.

 
The belief that there is no longer one right way to do things plays out in a variety of ways among members of GenMe. This generation has not embraced the rules of etiquette that are built around “respect for other people’s comfort” (pg. 26). Cheating in school has increased (pg. 27). Students are less likely to recognize the authority of teachers, presuming instead that their perspectives and opinions are on an equal footing with the experts (pg. 29). Former taboos regarding dating and marriage have evaporated (pg. 31). GenMe individuals are more willing

to share their experiences (positive and negative) in explicit detail with anyone who will listen (pg. 37). Language that was considered profane has become commonplace (pg. 40).   

 
Of particular interest is what Twenge has to say about the Church. “GenMe is also less willing to follow the rules of organized religion” (pg. 34). She notes declining church attendance since the 1950’s, and particularly low attendance percentages for 18 to 29 year olds. Twenge references Jeffery Arnett from Emerging Adulthood, describing “the belief systems of young people as ‘highly individualized’, which he calls ‘make-your own’ religions.’ He found that only 23% of young people are ‘conservative believers’; the remaining 77% were agnostic/atheist, deist, or liberal believers (who believe in a religion but question some aspects of it)” (pg. 34). The churches that have experienced growth are those that “promote a very personalized form of religion” (pg. 35).

 
These churches’ emphasis on Christ as a personal savior who has a plan for your life play into the individualized culture of GenMe. As an example, Twenge quotes Rich Warren from The Purpose-Driven Life, “Accept yourself. Don’t chase after other people’s approval . . . God accepts us unconditionally, and in His view we are all precious and priceless” (pg. 35).

 
Twenge argues that one of the primary contributors to this culture of the individual is the institutionalized emphasis on self-esteem that began in the 1970s. The self-esteem curriculum that took hold in schools and churches drove home to GenMe children that they are unique and special individuals, independent of anything they do or have. Twenge contends that this emphasis went overboard with GenMe, creating the belief that “feeling good about yourself is more important than good performance” (pg 56-57). A negative outcome of the

overemphasis on self-esteem has been an increase in narcissism (pg 69), in which individuals are “overly focused on themselves and lack empathy for others” pg. 68).

 
An extension of the emphasis on self-esteem, has been the message that “You can be anything you want to be” (pg 72). Twenge notes “We expect our kids to have individual preferences and would never dream, as earlier generations did, of making every single decision for our children and asking them to be seen and not heard. Not coincidentally, this also teaches children that their wants are the most important” (pg. 75). (For an excellent discussion of this topic, see Kidfluence by Anne Sutherland and Beth Thompson.) Twenge references a number

of statistics and publications that indicate that GenMe students have very high expectations for the academic, professional and economic heights to which they aspire, and then illustrates that many of these confident expectations will be frustrated by simple realities.

 
The stress that GenMe young adults encounter in college admissions and in career pursuits are similar. Throughout their childhood years, GenMe has been told repeatedly that they are special, unique people, whose opinions are important, and who can achieve anything as long as they follow their dreams. The reality they encounter, however, is that only a few of them will get into the best colleges, and even fewer into the best graduate, law and medical schools (pg. 118). This dynamic continues into the job market where GenMe expects high-paying, high-prestige jobs in which their input is highly valued, and their rapid advancement is assured, and the reality is rarely consistent with the expectation (pg. 119).

 
Twenge lays out suggestions for how to better reach, communicate with and serve GenMe.

 
For Employers: Try to understand you GenMe employees, allow them to learn by doing, take advantage of their comfort with diversity and remember that they do not take criticism well. (pg. 216-221)

 
For Society: Abandon our obsession with self-esteem, and be honest with children about their success and failures. (pg. 223-227) Give better advice, including the idea that not everyone should go to college. (pg. 227-228) Support working parents. (pg. 229-235)

 
Summary of Generation Me

By Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D.

© 2006 Free Press (Simon & Schuster)

Executive Summary prepared by Steve Eubanks

- Lance