My little princess

Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series:

My Little Prince and Princesses

As you may have heard me talking about my three children (Trey-6 Audrey-5 & Isabella-3), one thing I have not talked about much is how my wife and I are rearing them as they grow.  There is a distinct difference between the oldest (first child), second child and baby of the family.  You may have read books on how each possess character traits similar to the same ranking of age in other families.  

Audrey is my middle child and she, by no means, lacks personality.  She is by all definition, “little miss personality”.  Audrey is a lot like her mom in that she does not hesitate to tell you what she is thinking.  Even when she knows you are disciplining her – she has to be heard and it usually begins with, “But,…” in which I reply, “The only ‘butts’ around here are the one that is going to be spanked,” and that usually gets her attention (after she finishes her thought, of course).  

  Audrey is unique.  She doesn’t need a spanking like some other children may.  She actually just needs the look and that usually brings the crocodile tears immediately following.  She has such a gentle and caring heart that people are affected by her personality and touch.  She is an old soul and she really cares about people.  In Lance’s post, The Heart Before the Head, he talked about shepherding the heart first and eventually the head would follow.   

Needless to say, we just finished the first half of our vacation, which was a 3 day Disney Cruise, we had some issues with our two youngest (of course, the girls, because boys know how far to push you). Anyway, Audrey was having some issues of obedience and my initial reaction was to just get angry and threaten her with either taking things away or the dreaded fanny spanking if the behavior continued.  

As I was pondering this, Legacy came into mind as Lance, Gary and I have been talking about direction and vision and I was cut to the core by my reaction to her disobedience.  I was trying to rear the head instead of cultivating her heart.  So as I failed miserably in trying to rear my child the right way (or at least my parental way) I realized that even in our greatest mistakes we can claim victory and that is what I did.  The victory was not in being right or wrong or winning the battle.  The victory was won by shepherding her heart.

I squatted down to her level and calmed her down with a hug and told her that her daddy loved her and was not going to spank her, but I wanted to talk to her.  I asked her if she thought the way she was behaving was acceptable in any terms and she responded, “nooooooo” with a long pause and meekness to it.  In which, I then apologized to her and told her that I was sorry in the way that I reacted to her disobedience.  I asked her if she could work on hearing and listening and doing what her mommy told her to do in t the first place, in which she said, “yes”.  

The victory that I feel was won is that I gained her heart instead of just her head hearing and doing the behavior I wanted.  The older I get, and the more I look at young ladies, I realize it is extremely important for dad’s to love their daughters and to give them as much time as they need from their dads growing up.  I hope not only to teach her the heart of the matter, but to show her love and respect, chivalry, loyalty and honesty and down right good ways that a man should always treat a woman.  

Dante

The Ultimate Gift

Pure Religion

 

On Saturday, December 4, 2010, Children's Hunger Fund will host our annual Toy Wrap  volunteer event. Since 1991, CHF has given hundreds of thousands of toys to needy children across America and around the world. When you give a child a toy, you are also giving away hope and love this holiday season.

James 1:27 talks about pure religion in the eyes of the Father, which is that which takes care of widows and orphans and avoids the ways of this world.  For over 5 years now, my family and I have been involved in helping this wonderful organization wrap over 20,000 toys for children in need.  What a privilege it is to help such a worthy organization make a difference in people’s lives.  There are so many people, churches, businesses and organizations that make such a difference through serving and giving.  As a matter of fact, my co-leader in our men’s ministry (Jimmy) ended up leaving his job in place of this ministry.  He found his vocation and trusting in the Lord and his family to believe in his call to make a difference in people’s lives.  Jimmy has been my “Barnabus” and my encourager in ministry and in serving others – Thanks Jimmy!

My family and I have also taken another step in serving and giving.  Each year we pray and ask our church for a family in need.  We buy presents (gift cards, toys and groceries) and we give to the family.  We try and teach our son and daughters the value of giving.  There is a Christian movie that drives home this great responsibility that we have as Disciples of Christ.  The movie is called, The Ultimate Gift.  If you have not seen it, then I highly recommend that you rent it for this holiday season and ask God what you, your family and your church can do to make a difference.

How do you serve and give your time?

We are looking forward to our readers responses on this one.

Blessings,

Dante

SOME EVENTS DADS JUST HAVE TO TALK (CROW!) ABOUT

OK, I'd better get on with the day. Been the whole morning doing research on grandparenting. Did you know grandFATHERS are getting back into the picture?

If you're not one now, do you know how really soon you'll be one? Take that tip from a 70-year old grand dad. 70 used to be old. I'm still wondering who those "elderly" are on news reports and TV ads.

Researchers and social analysts are using telling terms while they stream out the stats of longer life, better health, greater percents of the population. Then they add new terms, "Finishing well" among those focused on Christian family values. "Fun-seeking" and "supportive" are emerging.qualities of granfFATHERS.

So why the strange title to this post?

Because one of those great life events just happened to "me"..."We," really. "Me" or "we" in quotes because that would be a social transference phase (see, I have been researching). Grandson, Taylor, now 12.5, is in his "manhood year" or year of passage, the transition from boy child to first man years.

I was writing a post for my own blog, GENDADS, when the call came in. It was a Skype Webcam call. There on the back of the pickup with "our" prize, His first deer on his first hunt.

The story is a rich one that includes my last few posts telling about Dad, Taylor, and me on our five day pack-in hike during the summer. It was the scouting hike, and I was able to see each move in my mind's eye as Taylor enthused his hunt over the cell phone. We'd seen a deer together in the very spot he bagged his trophy (eight points). So, it was OUR hunt, OUR deer.

If the rite of passage, the hike, the hunt, or just the new grandfathering mode interests you, take a peek at www.gendads.com .

We can conclude with this note--back to the research--Who yoiu are as a legacy dad will, sooner than you think, set the stage for your true legacy years.

Will you be as good a grandfather as your are a father? Better?

http://www.gendads.com

The Heart Before The Head

One of the most critical and misunderstood concepts of Legacy Dad is developing the heart before the head.  When my wife and I were young, faith based teaching consisted of learning and memorising bible verses and going through ritualistic traditions in an effort to teach us our faith.

For the most part, there was no hands on instruction nor real life examples to glean experience from.  What this led to was mostly going through the motions to appease parents and church leaders in order to conform and fit to a certain mold or expectation placed upon us.  Bottom line.  It was in our heads but not in our hearts.  

As parents, we vowed to take the opposite approach towards faith based and almost all character based instruction with our children.  They would see real life examples and receive hands on experience before being taught doctrine and tradition.  Plus, we expose them to the real world with parental oversight as opposed to trying to create a controlled environment to keep bad things out.  Why?  

First, a child will blindly accept the teachings and therefore the faith of their parents if asked simply to appease the parents and seek approval.  Is this truly allowing the holy spirit to work in our children's lives? 

Second, I have lived myself and met countless people who can quote scripture, doctrine and ritual yet do not actively believe nor have it in their hearts.  Remember that currently 90% of Evangelical children leave the Church after high school (Barna Group)              

Third, focusing on the head and parents who try to create a safe, controlled environment is only influencing a child's external behaviors.  What happens when the child enters the real world?  A hostile world especially towards faith? 

By focusing on the heart before the head, you are influencing a child's internal character and belief
systems so the external environment does not matter.  

Please understand, we don't let our children run wild, watch whatever media they feel like or expose them to un-biblical teachings.  We lead them by example, expose them to church and faith based activities and let them come to their own conclusions. 

The results are astonishing.  Award after award from schools for superior character.  Children living their faith based values daily rather than reciting them.  Children making the appropriate decisions when no teachers or parents are present.  I could go on and on.  

The biggest revelation of this hit me this week.  We just started a two year bible study with our children that prepares them to become adults in the church.  This study now brings the doctrine piece into their lives.  They can't recite the book of the Bible the story of the Good Samaritan is in but they can tell you about the real life time they stopped and bought a homeless man a meal with their own money.

Focus on the heart first and the head will follow in time. 

- Lance

Q and A: How do I teach my child to respect others?

Q: How do I teach my child to respect others?

A: Elisa Morgan

http://iquestions.lightcastmedia.com/embed/dT0zMDc2JnZpZD02OTQ3JmVrZXk9ZDMzODYzYTQ.

The Life List # 49

The Life list – Things You Have To Do Before You Die presented by Legacy Dad and Outside Magazine

It's Time to expand your bucket

49. Climb the Grand Teton

 You'll breathe hard. You'll be scared. It'll take two days. That's the appeal: This iconic, 13,770-foot fang of granite is tough and technical--but still a reasonable goal, even if you're a rock rookie. The ascent itself begins with a seven-mile approach on the lower saddle of the Grand Teton. Your team will rise before dawn the next morning to begin a series of roped-up pitches that are moderately difficult (from 5.4 to 5.7) and stunningly exposed. Chances are you'll tag the summit before noon and savor some 360-degree views over Wyoming and Idaho, then it's down, down, down to the base. 



Absent

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIyVeYCif0Q&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3&w=500&h=390]

Unplugging in Twilight Country

This weekend, our family unplugged and had our annual family shareholders meeting in the area where they film the infamous Twilight movies.  No phones, no computers, no TV.  A log cabin and time alone to think, talk and plan.  It's amazing how complex and overly commercialized our lives have become.  Do we really need need the latest 4G network ? Do we really need 3D TV?  Or are we just filling our lives with distractions so we don't have to face our ultimate problems and responsibilities?       

This weekend we lived in a 800 square foot log cabin with only a fireplace and a radio for amusement.  Well that and hundreds of acres of Temperate Rain forest and miles of beautiful beaches. Do we really need more?  This weekend our family unplugged but became in-tune with each other again.  We all talked, shared and made it a priority to focus our attention on each other.

We also talked about the future and what lay ahead for our family and our children.  Both of children begin a two-year Bible study this week (led by my wife and I) that instills in them a biblical world view and prepares them to be adults in the church.  We discussed what this meant, how it would require homework and lessons as well as why it ultimately is crucial to have in life.  

We also talked about the next five years and our family plan.  My future career progression, my wifes graduate degree program and our son entering the first phase of the Legacy Dad process this year.  Everyone seemed easier talking about these topics after such a wonderful weekend together.  Our kids were much more mature and understanding of having to possibly move again, my wife's long hours of study and the rewards of the Legacy Dad process.  Just a side note, we don't call it the Legacy Dad process with our children but the Family Legacy.  

We also reflected on how far our family has come in the past 7 years not only in miles but in quality of life, spiritual maturity and morals and values.  We all agreed that we were content and that we should not spend any more time or money to chase frivolous things or to try to keep up with the Joneses.  Maybe it's because I just finished Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years but I feel as if it's time to write the next chapter in our Story.  This new chapter will have you on the edge of your seat and witnessing first hand what it takes to raise spiritual champions.  Stay tuned.