The Husband and Father Your Wife and Children Deserve

I want you to think back about when you first became aChristian or when you made a major life decision?  Who did you go to seek advice about thisdecision?  Whose example made youconsider this change? 

9 times out of 10, we follow the examples and life decisions of people we respect.  A Parent, aCoach, a Leader or a Friend.  Someoneheld influence over us and we trusted their example and respected their character.  Now let me ask you this?  Are you being that person for someone else?

I’m sitting here in another foreign country, far from myfamily during the Holidays and reading a book about one of the most successfulfootball coaches of all time.  His walkwith Christ began when he noticed men that he respected had changed their lives inmajor ways by coming to Christ.  The funny thing is, thepeople who set this example had no idea that someone was watching them ormaking decisions based on their example.

Now let me tie this in with Dante’s posts on Purity.

Have you ever wondered why guys like Tiger Woods or KobeBryant cheat on their wives?  They havemoney, fame, and some really beautiful wives and then they throw it all awayfor one night of passion or to put another notch in their count of women theyhave been with?   We look at theseexamples and say “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”   

I guarantee, at this very moment, someone is looking at your life and your familyand wishing they had what you had.

This realization really hit me a few years ago when a friendof mine stated this to me.   My friend just wanted to have a loving wife and family but he was sadly going through his second divorce. Both times, his wives had cheated on him.  He didn’t come out and say it directly, butin a moment of emotion he asked me how I did it with my family.  He had been watching. 

Over the last two years, wives have asked my wife if I wouldtalk to their husbands or if being around me could somehow rub off on theirhusbands.  I was dumbfounded. 

To me there is an unwritten guy code and unless I am a very close accountability friend; I wouldn’t go and tell some guy that his marriageis screwed up.  However, my example wasspeaking volumes and other people had been watching.   

Because of my ignorance and selfishness, I almost lost mybeautiful wife and children once.  Once Ialmost lost them, the realization hit me of what I was really losing.  I had the most beautiful woman that other guysenvied and two beautiful children,one boy and one girl.  People close to mewere saying “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”  Does this sound familiar?  Luckily, God intervened and brought me closeto the edge but didn’t let me fall over it. I made a vow to God and my wife that I would become, not what societysaid was a good husband, but what my wife and children deserved.      

What does your wife and children deserve? 

If there are any questions read  - Ephesians 5: 25-33

We are setting the example everyday by what we do, what wesay, and the lives we lead.  Theslightest flirtation with a co-worker or other woman should never rear its uglyhead when we are on duty.  Our wordsshould uplift and edify others.  Our workethic should be superior.  We should wearour Character and Integrity on our sleeves for everyone to see because whetherwe like it or not, people are watching. Someone is watching you every day and wondering if this Christianitything is really worth it.

Are we perfect? Hardly. Do we make mistakes?  Always.  But as Russell Crow stated in Gladiator “Whatwe do in life, echoes in eternity.”

I choose to be the husband and father my wife and childrendeserve.

Mega Church Vs. Little Church

Small church I recently had a dilemma, we moved to a new state and at the time decided to attend a smaller church that was working on building its own facility.  The idea was to get involved and be able to serve and help the process along.  We liked the church, the people and my wife was helping in the children's ministry.Then, as usual, I had to leave for 90 days for work and upon my return I heard some comments that made my spiritual leader alarm go off.

First, my wife explained that the woman in charge of the children's ministry was "different." As I inquired, I learned that she had abruptly asked my wife to take over the children's ministry for the summer so she could have a break.  My wife agreed and prepared a lesson plan for the next Sunday...

Next Sunday.

My wife showed up and the woman was there to "oversee" her lesson.  My wife began teaching (See does have a B.S. in Education) and the woman immediately began interrupting the class and inquiring why my wife was doing things this way or that - in front of the kids.  This happened throughout the class and the woman kept stating "This isn't how I would have done it"   At the end of the class, the woman told my wife that she had taught the class all wrong, even though the kids enjoyed it.  The woman then explained that she just started taking some college classes in education insinuating that she was much more qualified to teach Sunday School than my wife.

First, my wife looks like she is 20 even though she is in her early 30's and often gets hit on by teenagers and asked to "babysit" by other mothers.

Second, my humble wife never told the woman that she has a teaching degree and has taught in many classrooms and has led a children's ministry before.  My wife simply rode it off as someone not wanting to let go of control but also decided, after a few more episodes, that she DID NOT want to work with this woman anymore.

Next, my kids were unenthusiastic about attending church.  When I inquired about this, I heard stories of the "boring children's ministry" and the "Mothers Day Incident."  When I asked what this was my wife told me a story of the 4th-6th graders having to sing a song called "I Love Mommy" to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine."

Apparently, my son and his friends pulled their hoodies over their heads so no one would see them during the performance. My son later told me the woman was treating them like preschoolers and that his 4th-6th grade class was being taught more at the 1-3 Grade level.

To this woman's defense, I have taught 4th-6th grade Sunday School before and you have to be VERY creative and find fun and exciting ways to keep the kids involved. Especially with more spiritually mature kids.  The old tried and true read a bible verse, teach a lesson and do some arts and crafts does not work.  You have to speak to their hearts, to their fears and to what is relevant in their lives at this age.  Also, a little craziness, games and singing loud praise and worship never hurts!

I had heard enough and quickly searched the internet and found a large thriving mega-church to attend Childrens ministry the next Sunday.  The Mega Church was a 45 minute drive away but if our children were filled spiritually, that was all that mattered.  The Mega Church had all the bells and whistles: fun and colorful children's classrooms, powerful praise and worship bands for both the children's and adults services and my favorite, a coffee shop.

All the way home I heard my kids talk about how much fun this church was and the teaching about the Bible was great.  All that week, my kids told their friends how "cool" this new church was.  The next Sunday, my daughter brought two friends to the "new, cool church" and they accepted Christ that Sunday.  The children's leader was amazed that this was only my daughters second Sunday there.

This week, I spoke with a pastor of a small church and told him this story and he agreed that the small churches cannot compete with the money and staffing of the mega churches.  He proclaimed "The mega churches keep growing and the small churches keep dwindling.'

George Barna and others have also cited that many churches only spend 1/7th of the church income on the children's department even though 2/5ths of the people in the church our children.  My pastor friend also said that a majority of people looking for a church have children and are looking for a good children's ministry.

So my questions are this:

Is the Mega Church simply offering the worldly trappings that parents and kids enjoy or do they truly have the funding and staffing that children's ministry deserves?

Is the small church dwindling away and as my pastor friend said "Cannot compete with Mega Church?"

One thing I have noticed is that while the small church has more of a community-family feel, they are also very cliquey and often drive outsiders away.  Or the established ministry leaders get intimidated when new people show up with some ministry background or spiritual maturity.

There has to be some happy medium?

What do you think the future church will look like in 10 years?

I'd appreciate any thoughts or comments.

The Deadly Viper Assassins

I am going through a bible study called the "Why" series by Jud Wilhite.I really wish I was a hip pastor with a cool church and the ability to produce podcasts, DVD's and cool websites that really catch the attention of the Gen X and younger generations, however, I am not and all I have is this little blog to rant on.

After a quick Google search, I found Jud's other projects, and this one caught my eye in particular.

Picture_1Deadly Viper is an initiative dedicated to beginning a strategicconversation on the issues of radical integrity and radical grace. Ourfocus is to develop leaders who will have intentional, transparent, andhonest conversations about key character issues.

Deadly Viper is a movement designed to help leaders finish strong and live a life with no regrets.

Their books, tools and DVD's are humorous and straight to the point.  Character is a huge issue within the Legacy Dad framework and every tool we can get to better understand, model and teach this to our children is essential.

Just for that reason, I have a special for all our Legacy Dad readers.  A FREE FULL version of the mp3 audiobook for Deadly Viper. - Sorry, Offer has ended.

Just follow this banner and get the download.  If you are like me, always busy, I like to listen to audiobooks while I jog or go to the gym.  Free ones are even better.

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If you like the free audiobook, think about buying the book itself or heading over to their website and showing some support.

The Deadly Viper has 3 main contributors which include Mike Foster, Jud Wilhite, and Anne Jackson.

Mike Foster is the Senior Creative Principal at PlainJoeStudios and serves as President of Ethur, a non-profit organizationdeveloping initiatives that promote social and cultural change.

Jud Wilhite is senior pastor of Central Christian Church, apioneering and creative community of faith in the Las Vegas area. Morethan 12,000 people attend Central campuses each weekend. He is theprimary teacher and communicator of Central's mission, vision, andvalues.

Anne Jackson serves on staff at Cross Point and is the author of Mad Church Disease (Zondervan 2009).

Changing History

Sometimes I wonder if blogging on something you love and believe in is really worth it? 

There are better ways to spend a few hours per week, especially when your time is limited.

However, this weekend, my daughter and a quote changed my mine on this subject.  My daughter was reading a book on Rosa Parks this weekend and I was: Parks

1. Intrigued that my 8 year old knew who Rosa Parks was.
2. Fascinated that with Pokemon, Hanna Montana and Camp Rock that my daughter was reading a history book.
3. Moved by what she said. (Although not at first) 

I asked her why she chose that specific book and she said "I am very interested in history dad and interested in the people who changed history." 

This comment did not have a profound effect until later in the weekend when I heard a comment in a documentary on the American Indian Movement.  Professor Ed Castillo made a comment that went something like this.

Aimlogo_2"History is made by those people who stand up and make some noise not by the people who are quiet and just go about their day to day lives."

History is made by those willing to speak, those willing to rebel and by those willing to believe in their dreams. 

All the great leaders and people in history believed in something, believed in change, believed they could make a difference.  Mlk_2

Whether good or bad. Those who stand up and speak up will be heard and those who remain quiet simply fade into the background.

The only choice we have then is whether to speak or remain silent?   

I choose to speak.

Majoring in the Minors

Something a mentor told me many years ago now when I was a young, arrogant guy was  "Lance, stop majoring in the minors." 

Today, this man retired in his early 40's and spends his time speaking and finding new investments. 

What he meant was don't put so much time into areas that will yield minimal results.  Ecb6520a9a22426bacaca59c3c98e157

These things could be:

TV
Sports
A Slowlane Job
Mindless hobbies

Most people spend a majority of their lives and time working endlessly in areas that will yield minimal results.  I guess this is okay if your plan is for mediocrity?

For instance, Dr. Thomas Stanley's study on the country's wealthiest people revealed that the top traits of high income earners was:

Honesty, Vision, Risk Taking, and People Skills

How many college courses have we taken on these areas? 

I would also list these as the top areas that pay huge dividends:

Faith
Marriage
Parenting
Self Development
Finances - Investing

How much time to we put toward these areas? Hum....

It's funny that these areas are the ones that usually can cause the biggest pain or greatest pleasure in our lives yet we focus so little time on learning and developing these areas? 

Now does this mean become some all work no play type of person, no.  I just think we need to seriously look at where we spend a majority of our time. 

The next step for our Developing Your Bucket List project is to see where we spend our time, if you do the exercise, the results will not only amaze you, but sicken you as well.

Do You Attract or Repel People?

I've had a turn of events in the past couple weeks that lead me to write this passage. 

Several people and couples have come to me and asked for spiritual, marital or financial guidance and I stopped today to examine why? 

We've had more couples and singles come to church with us this past year than any other year?

We don't invite people or even allude to the fact that people should come check out "our thing"  They simply come up and ask if we would mind bringing them along. 

Pm     I would like to think that it is because of some wonderful thing I've done but I really think it is God working through our family.

We've worked very hard in the past few years on Character and Value development in our family.  On truly being transparent.

We speak, act and live the values I talk about here on Legacy Dad. 

Are we perfect?  Of course not and far from it.  But, the point is we constantly strive for that as the standard not the exception.

We also speak positively at all times.  You won't hear me cracking jokes about the "old lady" and I always try to be uplifting to whoever I meet. 

I have prayed to be an uplifting person to everyone I meet for the past 2 years  because in the past I found it easy to jump on the pity or criticism bandwagon.

I'm listening to Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now" and he illustrates the fact that the words we speak have a huge impact not only on ourselves but on how others perceive us and our beliefs.

If people constantly hear us complain, put down others, or place blame for our adversities on outside forces then they assume you are a negative person and generally don't want to be around you, ESPECIALLY if they have their own problems and are searching quietly for answers.   Magnet_2

This is something I constantly harp on fellow Christians about and I think it further adds to some of the hypocrisy we see in our faith.

Why would we seek marital advice from someone who constantly berates or cuts down their spouse?

Furthermore, speaking positive comments alone will not create trust in those around us.  They must also see action and conviction. 

However, I believe speaking and praying for what we hope to become or strive for is the first step in creating a mustard seed in our lives which will further blossom into and full grown tree of truth. 

I have prayed for the past 3 years daily to be the best husband and father I can be and to be an example to other people and Christians.  Perhaps my prayers are taking fruit. 

There is a flip side to this as well.  When people see you fail and face adversity and moreover how you deal with conflict and adversity, it makes you more human and relateable.  No one likes people who constantly look, act and speak perfectly.  it just is not really.

However, speaking your values, beliefs and not compromising them when in mixed company goes a long way in proving your character. 

I am by no means perfect or some example to follow but somehow my families appearance, words and convictions seem to draw people toward us. 

So in closing I believe we need to first start with our words as is told in James 1:26

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tightrein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

Next we need to place these words into our convictions as in Romans 14:22-23

"The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves."

Finally, once these words and convictions are our in heart, the Lord will do the rest to expand your personal ministry. 

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set anexample for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and inpurity."   - 1 Timothy 4:12
    

 

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