Trials & Tribulations

Trials & Tribulations

 Testing of Your Faith  JAMES 1:2  “Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8  he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. 9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass[c] he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. 12  Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[d] 18  Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Hearing and Doing the Word  JAMES 1:19  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. 22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25 But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. 26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. 27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”

Sometimes life catches us in places where we can be rocked to our core.  Sometimes life throws us a curve ball makes us question ourselves and makes us wonder what we really are trying to do.  And sometimes life places us into valleys that we are not sure we can ever climb out of.  Gary, Lance and I, are all in one of these phases of life right now as we speak.  Gary dealing with very serious health issues, Lance struggling with his two children on a move away from their friends and the consequences that are resulting from that (along with teenage years) and myself with my own tribulations in my life.

In the Book of James, I am not sure about the rest of you, but for a very long time I struggled with the statement from James (The brother of Jesus) when he wrote, “Consider it pure joy…” through trials and tribulations?  Seriously?  How can someone truly say that without having a very wry smile on their face?  How do any of us tell Gary not to worry about life threatening health and to trust God through it all?  How can any of us tell Lance that he should keep praying and trusting God through this and to be an example for others (and his children to follow)?  How can someone tell me that I cannot remove some circumstances in my life, that there has been put a thorn in my side that God has intended?  To keep me humble for His grace is enough…?

Only through Scripture and prayer can our lives find a rhythm.  In Romans 8, we read how God is sovereign.  His plan is and should be our plan.  Not our will be done, but His will be done. Our lives are but a mist, how we serve God and finish this life is what really matters.  What attracted me to this website was the idea of leaving a legacy for my kids and future generations to follow.  When my life fades and I meet my Savior, I would like my kids to say more than, “He was a nice dad.”  I want them to own my faith even more than I do.  I want them to know the comfort that I knew when my mom died a year ago this past March.  I want them to have security that can only be given to us by a God who gave his son’s life for you and me.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.  It is one day out of the year that we celebrate fathers all around this country.  For most, it is a great day to spend with the family and be loved by so many.  For others it could be a painful day for either a bad relationship or a life gone by the wayside.  Whatever the case, we (at Legacy Dad) want you to know that there is a Father in Heaven who knows what love is.  A father who knows how to comfort, urge and encourage us to live a life worthy of Him.  When we profess our belief in His Son and confess his name – we are a living temple to the living God.  Our bodies are given the Holy Spirit.

This Father’s Day, think on these things and ponder God’s grace and mercy and provision for our lives.  Rekindle your love, adoration and gratitude for a God who sent his only begotten Son for our sins.  We are redeemed and loved.  When we trust and our in obedience to His word and we walk by Faith, then we can know the things that God wants to know.  We can feel the comfort that he and only he has for us.

To all our legacy dads out there, we want to wish you all a very Happy Fathers Day.

Serve and finish well!!!

Best wishes,

Dante

Supplemental vitamins for your spiritual walk

Healthy living is paramount in the 3 realms of our life:  Physically, Mentally and Spiritually.  Exercise, healthy eating and making the right choices are beneficial to this lifestyle and will likely play an integral part in our longevity.  Some people take vitamins and protein along with actively hydrating to help supplement their physical needs.  (I find it amazing how many people are chronically dehydrated). The key to all of this is balance.  The pressures of life and busyness pull us in every direction in sometimes ways that are not honoring God and family.My kids are 8, 6 (soon to be 7) and 5.  I can see just how society (through hobbies, sports and the like) are already pulling us in every direction instead of building the family up, we could be potentially tearing it down.  I don’t want the sport enthusiasts or activity gurus to come down hard on me.  I believe that all of these have fruitful abilities in raising a child (teamwork, discipline, obedience to rules and building confidence).

Mental awareness and health are also critical and keeping the mind sharp and active are irreplaceable.  There are so many studies out there that I don’t even want to get into the particulars on this.  I will, however, give you one thing that my father always told me and that is, “Dante, you will never be old enough to keep learning.”  Those words are very true, and for the most part (minus the days of running around for my wife and kids), keeps me sharp and active.

I was reading some scripture the other day and I came across these verses from 2 Peter 1: 5 “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,[a] and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities[b] are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brothers,[c] be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11 For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

As of today, I will refer to this Scripture as the supplemental vitamins for a healthy spiritual walk.  If we can train our spiritual walk in these supplements then we are given certainty of our entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior.

Virtue          moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.

Knowledge   acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition

Self-Control control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc

Steadfastness  unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc.

Brotherly-Affection  “brotherly affection” (philadelphia), is just what it says. It’s the        affection of a family that comes with long familiarity and deep bonds.”

Whether we turn to the right or to the left; when we find ourselves in God’s will for our lives, then we can count on the abundant life that God has in store for each of us.  Plans not to harm us, but to prosper us.  Prosperity that comes form godliness, not from ways of this world.

Have you taken your vitamins today?

Remember two things:  Finish Well & Serve Well.

God Bless you,

Dante

Leaving a legacy

Often I find myself asking myself if I am doing enough as a dad.  That is, to say, could I be doing more for my children.  This past Memorial Day weekend was both busy and relaxing.  On Friday, I picked up the two older children and my wife had a birthday party to attend with our youngest.  We went out for tacos and then to see the Avengers (will post on that at a later date).  Saturday was our men's group. It was a very good morning that led to some very heartfelt conversations among men.   We went to church that night and just relaxed the rest of the evening.On Sunday, I found myself waking up very early and then as I heard the kids rustling around, I told them to get ready for breakfast (yes, I left the wife to sleep in).  We drove to their choice (Dunkin Donuts) and then I took them to a Memorial Park where they read and saw statures, military equipment and testimonies of those passed who died and sacrificed for our freedoms.  It was very humbling to know that these kids understood what sacrifice meant ("like what Jesus did for us").

I think about the sacrifices that soldiers make everyday for us (in this country) and they ask for so little in return - very humbling.  If the day could not have been any more somber, I drove home and helped the wife get ready for some friends that we had over.

I looked at the refrigerator and found this note from my son.  The note was a reminder from a time where I had to drop the hammer on my son and only later to reveal the consequences, attitude and gravity of the circumstance and later followed up by mercy and love.  To my surprise, after I felt like I really blew it as a dad, I found this note on my desk from my son.

It is little reminders like this, that we, Legacy Dads, have to remember to serve our wives and kids well.  We have to remember to finish well and first and foremost we have to serve our God with the presence of Coram Deo.

Food for thought,

Dante

Legacy Dad Checkup - Where do we stand....so far?

The Legacy Dad Life Map

(Lance wrote this (from the early years of this blog)

My first instinct was to type out every minute detail of this process but something told me to simple give you a snap shot and let you see the process unfold on my blog. Here is the Legacy Dad Process in summarized form with minimal details.

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in ourchildren:

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The “Real” Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

I was in search for an authentic, Christian parenting style. A style that created a close bond with my children, created a more dynamic and happy family, instilled Christian values and other life skills that my wife and I deem important and prepared our children in a number of certain areas for life.

I wanted my children to grown up to become mature and experienced in the following areas:

Spirituality – FaithMorals and ValuesLeadershipMarriage and RelationshipsFinances and Investing

I was confused and I wanted a process, a map to follow to help this style of parenting along. I wanted my children to have rights of passage, to learn “real world” values and to culminate in a Legacy Crossover, where my children were now congratulated on their progress and reassured they were ready for the world.

So, I read a bunch of books, mostly Christian based. Each one had its own unique area but nothing all inclusive. So I decided to come up with my own road map and call it Legacy Dad. This is a work in progress and will be refined as the years pass.

Legacy Dad is a program to mentor and guide your children from birth to adulthood in all things spiritual while adding life skills that you, the parent, deem important.  Legacy Dad researches the top methods and programs for attaining this type of mentorship relationship and then puts them into a personally customizable parenting package to fit your parenting needs and style.

The Foundation of Legacy Dad is Grace Based Parenting.

Grace Based Parenting:

• Accepts Children regardless of their merit
• Serves Children’s needs without a sense of obligation
• Motivates children to a higher holiness with condemnation

Grace Based Parenting happens when we apply four key areas  to our children’s lives:

Create and Maintain an atmosphere of grace.

Focus on Meeting their Three Inner Needs.

Build Character in their heart

Aim them at True Greatness rather than success.

As a child gets older, the amount of control by parents loosens as the child begins to make their own decisions and learns from mistakes with their parents guidance.

Legacy Phase I: Preparatory Phase – This is from birth to around age 9.

Some of the key factors of this area are:

Ensuring my children felt secure and loved in their own unique wayTeaching your children discipline and obedienceThe Moral Reasons WhyCharacter PillarsDiscussions on SexIntroducing a strong Christian faith and belongingSpending Abundant Time with your childrenCreating Family MemoriesTeaching the Basics of Money: Spending, Saving and CharitySetting a Strong Example in all of the Legacy Areas

Phase II: Pre-Adolescence – This is from age 9-12.

We continue with all the key factors of Phase I and add thefollowing:

Deeper self discipline and respect for others and ourselvesTeam Sports – TeamworkBegin Confirmation of FaithChecking Account, Basic Investing, Basic Business skillsDeeper Gender Specific Guidance – Puberty, Dating, SexCreative ExpressionResponsibility and Real Life Decision MakingImplementing morals and values into real life situations

Phase III: Adolescence – Ages 12-14 – Focused Training Begins

This is the stage where your plan is fully revealed to your child; your child starts to search for their own answers but is still seeking guidance from the parents. 

This phase you tell your child of this process but not every detail.  I came up with a compelling way to introduce this process to my children. A way that creates mystery, intrigue and challenges them to want to take this journey.  I focus on the end rewards and the greater happiness, wealth and spiritual closeness they will feel by taking the journey.

Some of the tools included in this area are:

Specific books to read that spark conversation and reinforce the Legacy Dad Pillars as well as reflect on what is learned.A Journal kept by your children to record this journey and their thoughts.Practicing Grace Based Parenting in the preteen years.Opportunity Training – Pressure to instill moral decision making.A Yearly Family Adventure.An End of Phase Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars.Phase IV: Teens –Ages 14-16 – Cause and Effect

This stage is where you child is starting to take their own path and we need to support it but also be there to influence and guide it subtly. Being too overbearing will cause your child to rebel and we address ways to mitigate that.

More Advanced Books and Concepts enforcing the Legacy Dad Pillars.Opportunity Training continues to further refine character traits and morals.Yearly Family AdventureLife Skills that are not taught in school.Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars.Moral Decision making in Real World Scenarios

Phase V: Entering Womanhood and Manhood – Ages 16-18-Choosing Direction

This is the critical stage in most children’s lives; they are striking out on their own, making their own decisions and deciding their own destinies. We focus extensively on this phase to re-enforce biblical principles and continue to cultivate the Legacy Dad Life Map while also giving our children the freedom to try their own paths and giving them the freedom to fail.

We also add more difficult real world tests and yearly adventures that will leave memories that last for a lifetime. Here are some possibilities for these adventures:

Christ in the TetonsFather and Son Grizzly Hunt Brio Mother Daughter Cruise Date With Destiny Youth EncounterHabitat For HumanityTom Brown Jr’s Survival SchoolBoundary Waters Canoe TripsDog Sled Adventures

These adventures are not meant to be a walk in the park, adding an air of adventure and difficulty further teaches the lesson and forms a tighter bond between the participants.

My wife and I did a 7-day canoe adventure into primitive Canada when were still dating,  There was no towns, motorized vehicles or boats from days 2-6 and only a few other people.  The trip consisted of running out of food, bathing in a lake, having one of our camp sites (an island) raided by a bear and another raided by wolves.  We also fished and caught crayfish to eat.  After seven days, we made it out and checked into a local hotel and ate pizza all night.  At the time, we thought it was pure hell, especially my wife, it was the most challenging thing she had ever done.  Now, she looks back at that trip with fond memories and of all the bonding we did together on that trip.  It is one of our best memories together.

These trips or ones you devise are also where we hold the crossing over ceremony. This is a ceremony signifying their movement into manhood or womanhood.

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The “Real” Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

Phase VI: College– Graduate Phase – Ages 18-? -Implementing Their Skills

This is the phase where you let them go out in the world and try on their own. They will make mistakes and you need to support them no matter what. You will continue with the Legacy Dad Life Map but at their pace and desire.Phase VII: Marriage – Age? – The End of the Journey

This is the final stage of the Legacy Dad Life Map, at this time you are simply a bystander and mentor. I have yet to determine at which year in the marriage the ultimate Legacy is revealed. I believe we all go through some early struggles in our marriage and those are valuable to our marital process. Possibly at the birth of a first child would be a good point? This will then give them the chance to start their own Legacy program?

 

Get the Dad – Get the Family (re-post from Bryan Mills)

Get the Dad – Get the Family

April 12, 2012

It should be no surprise to church leaders and pastors that Dads can have an amazing impact on the local church … and so much more … to the family.

If I were looking to grow my church … I would be looking for meaningful and relevant ways to connect with Dads. I believe that if you get the Dad … you get the family. Consider these statistics below.

1. 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
2. 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
3. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
4. 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
5. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
6. 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
7. 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
8. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
9. 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows for all God’s Children]
10. 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
11. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
12. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Church! If you want to make a dent in your local community … start engaging with the Dads! Make your church attractive to Dads. Invest in the Dads. If you do this well … you’ll have SIGNIFICANT impact on your local community.

QUESTION: what is your church doing to attract Dads? How do you plan to connect with them?