Why not sex before marriage (nor outside of marriage) part 1

[youtube id="9K1M5mNEe8s"]1 Corinthians 7

New International Version (NIV)

Concerning Married Life

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Men are having a hard time being men....

[vimeo id="63220741"] 

"Men are having a hard time being men...first of all you have all the addictions:  The pornography, the gambling, the alcohol, cocaine, the food - all that...you also have all the brokenness and so on....", by John Eldredge.  What do you do with all this evidence for men.  It all falls back to the deep wound that men incur or have had happened to them when they are younger.  What needs to happen here, is that we need to heal the heart of man.  We need to have men in the word everyday and praying every day so that the Holy Spirit will do His work in us.

CRISIS - YOU NEED TO HEAL THE HEART OF MEN - by John Eldredge

Proverbs talks about this:

Proverbs 20:5

English Standard Version (ESV)

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

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This past Friday, I got home from a long work week and finished some afternoon reports, work around the house and was just taking a moment to spend on my IPAD when my son came and asked me if he and I could watch the move Courageous.  I told him that I would be there in ten minutes to watch with him.  Ten minutes later, my wife stopped acting like a wife and became my proverbial mother and politely reminded me of my manhood and father responsibilities:  To be a legacy dad, I have to get in the game.  I got up and sat next to him on the couch and watched the entire movie with just him and I.  There was a lot of biblical truth and so forth in this movie.  As a matter of point, Lance and I joke about there resolution and believe that they took a lot of that from www.legacydad.com (okay, so we all agree - we stand on the Word of God).

The most awesome part of me getting "out of the boat" and engaged with my son is that I could have missed this ever so important conversation about faith and value and legacy with my 10 year old son if I would have continued to put myself first.  I would have missed the opportunity of showing my son that he is first and he and his two sisters are the forefront of my spiritual assignment and mission field given to me by God.  Not only do I have to be leader of my house, I have to be actively involved in the every day process.

After the kids were tucked in bed and my wife was working on some projects, I finished my Saturday morning "Facilitator Lead" to talk with men.  I had asked our senior pastor over years of pastoring/counseling what he thought were the top three things that men struggle with, he said, "Significance, Lust and Anger".  On Saturday, we covered the following bible verses:  Ephesians 2:1-3, Proverbs 6:16-19, 12:1, 15:3, 28:13-14; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 and Psalms 139:23-24.

And then we read Hebrews 12:1-15, James 5:19-20.

I asked the following questions:

1. What do we struggle with the most?
2. Why do we do the same thing over and over again (the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time).
3. Why do we try to be god-like (selfish, bitter and idolatry)?
4. Why do we settle for mediocrity in life, marriage and happiness (things that hold us back: pornography, hate, lust, anger, addicitions)?
5. What is your sin?

In the beginning of our men's ministry on Saturday morning, we have worship, then we have large group (what i discussed above) and then from 7:10 to roughly 8am we break into small groups and for 30 minutes discuss the topic and pointed questions and then we pray and confess and carry each other's burdens.  This is a huge relational ministry and I love seeing the fruit that God is giving it.  Our secret, we open the word, we worship together, we pray together and we share life together - and the Holy Spirit does the rest - AMEN!

So after watching the movie, Courageous, with my son on Friday and after leading Men of Faith on Saturday, I confessed these things in my small group:

• I am lazy and slothful (downright selfish at times) and I need to step it up
• I am the leader of my house (I need to act like it more)
• I married my wife and my best friend (not my mom) so I need to stop putting her in that situation to act like my mom
• I set the tone for the family and the direction (if I get engaged they will respond)
• I need this Men of Faith and accountability partners to keep me honest, humble and growing toward being God's disciple
• I need to be the Legacy Dad (round the clock)

If I am serious the my spiritual role as Elder, Men's Ministry Leader and so on, then I will have to be intentional with my family, my church, my community and my work.  If I am striving to be the man that God wants me to be, then I will take His Word seriously all the time and build relationship with the Holy Trinity.

I am a disciple, I am a man of faith and I am a legacy dad!

Esse quam videri!

Blessings,

Dante

Count your blessings

I am not sure about you, but for me, sometimes in the daily jaunts of life and the trials and tribulations that I may be going through (some of my own device, some of spiritual warfare and others just because of the situations that I am in) I forget to count my blessings.  Also, when I look back at my journal and prayer log I find myself amazed at God's faithfulness even when I am not.Jesus asks all of of to be faithful stewards with our time, talent and treasure.  He wants us not to just be followers, but to be actively involved in his path to discipleship and in teaching others about the Good News (the Gospel of Christ).

2 Timothy 2:12-14

English Standard Version (ESV)

12 if we endure, we will also reign with him;if we deny him, he also will deny us;13 if we are faithless, he remains faithful—

for he cannot deny himself.

A Worker Approved by God

14 Remind them of these things, and charge them before God[a] not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.

2 Peter 3:9

English Standard Version (ESV)

9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,[a] not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Psalm 103:2

English Standard Version (ESV)

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,and forget not all his benefits,

2 Timothy 3:16-17

English Standard Version (ESV)

16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God[a] may be complete, equipped for every good work.

So, now that Scripture is clear, please indulge me while I count my blessings:

• For a loving wife
• For three beautiful children
• For a Church that stands on the word of God
• For friends who love me
• For Men of Faith
• For the gift of work
• For the gift of marriage (between one man and one woman)
• For discernment and wisdom in various situations
• For being an Elder
• For vacation(s)
• For a school staff that love my children

What are some of your blessings?  Have you counted them recently?

Blessings,

Dante

Defending your faith against pornography - Are you a true disciple...

por·nog·ra·phy

[pawr-nog-ruh-fee]  Show IPA

noun

obscene writings, drawings, photographs, or the like, especially those having little or no artistic merit.

Word Origin & Historypornography

1857, "description of prostitutes," from Fr. pornographie, from

Gk.pornographo s " (one) writing of prostitutes," from porne "prostitute,"originally "bought, purchased" (with an original notion, probably of"female slave sold for prostitution;" related to pernanai "to sell," fromPIE root per- "to traffic

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I am not the man that I used to be!  That being said, I struggle daily with sin and temptation and trying not to follow the ways of this world.  Below you will note scripture references that will be used for this post.  Before I begin with the subject line of this post, I wanted to clarify a few points:

• There is nothing I can do to earn salvation
• I am a sinner saved by grace
• I have confessed that I am a sinner, that I need Jesus, that I believe that he was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, died on a cross and rose again and now sits at the right hand of God the Father (Romans 10:9)
• Because Jesus is my personal savior, the sins of my past, present and future are forgiven - ONCE & FOR ALL TIME!
• Nothing I can do on my own, all things come from God above
• My call to discipleship is my sanctification - to turn from this flesh and to do the will of God (share the good news, let the Holy Spirit who dwells in me sanctify me, to finish well)

Men, I want to state one thing about pornography - It is from the pit of hell!  It is not God's will that we corrupt our temples (our bodies) by defiling it with obscenity and crude acts of behavior.  To be a true disciple of Christ is to avoid the ways of this world.  How can I say this, simple, Jesus not only points us to the 10 commandments, he takes it further.  First of all, he says that we should not commit adultery, but he tells us that if we look lustfully upon another woman that we have already committed adultery in our hearts.  He says that we are not to murder our brother, yet he goes further and says that if we hate our brother we have already committed murder.  There is no minced words here. We are called to be holy.  We are called to be pure and we are called to avoid the ways of this world.

Impure thoughts are rampant in pornography.  It feeds our desires and destroys the marriage bed - meaning pornography takes more and more and gives less and less.  Images scar our brains and defile our temples (our bodies).  By feeding this lust, we corrupt our purity.

When we give into these fleshly desires we leave ourselves wide open for spiritual attack - we are weakened - we are neutralized as disciples of Christ.  If you say that you don't see a problem with pornography then I beg you to defend your position against scripture - against the verses listed below.

Some disturbing facts about porn:More Alarming Facts:

• 35% of all internet downloads are pornographic
• 43% of all internet users view pornographic material (1 out of 3 are female)
• For every 10 men in church, 5 are struggling with pornography
• Sex & porn are among the 5 top search terms for kids under 18
• The average age of first internet exposure and pornography is 11 years old
• Half of all hotel guests order pornographic movies
• 38% of adults think it is morally acceptable to look at pictures of nudity and sexual behavior
• The pornography industry, according to conservative estimates, brings in $57 billion per year, of which the United States is responsible for $12 billion.

(more stats available at xxxchurch.com)

5 ways to help you from Porn:

1. Get accountability in your life (brothers in a men's bible study, software for your computer, for your smartphones and so on)
2. Memorize Scripture - Job 31:1 - I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully upon another woman
3. Get professional biblical counseling
4. Confess your sin(s) to your brothers
5. Pray and read God's word daily (and move temptations away from your grasp)

Scripture references:

Matthew 5:28 ESV / 616 helpful votes

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV / 487 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Psalm 119:37 ESV / 459 helpful votes

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV / 402 helpful votes

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 John 2:16 ESV / 273 helpful votes

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Philippians 4:8 ESV / 164 helpful votes

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 147 helpful votes

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Ephesians 6:11-17 ESV / 145 helpful votes

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 136 helpful votes

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Psalm 119:9-10 ESV / 129 helpful votes

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!

Galatians 5:19 ESV / 128 helpful votes

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,

Proverbs 7:21-27 ESV / 121 helpful votes

With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths,

1 Corinthians 6:9 ESV / 103 helpful votes

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,

Job 31:1 ESV / 100 helpful votes

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?

Patterns and Healthy Habits

Patterns and Healthy Habits

2 Timothy 1 English Standard Version (ESV)

Guard the Deposit Entrusted to You

³ I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. ⁴ As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. ⁵ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. ⁶ For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, ⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  ⁸ Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, ⁹ who saved us and called us to^[a] a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,^{[b] 10} and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, ¹¹ for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, ¹² which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me.^{[c] 13} Follow the pattern of the sound^[d] words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴ By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you

I have been very blessed this past several weeks as I get to be intentional in mentoring and walking in accountability with some of my dear brothers in Men of Faith.  One brother of mine and I have been sharpening and challenging each other to grow spiritually.  He is older than me, but asked if I would mentor him.  I accepted on what condition, that he would mentor me as well, that this would be a give and take relationship.  This has been very rewarding and yet humbling for me.  Over the past two weeks we have been challenging each other to pour into the book of 2^nd Timothy.  There is such wealth in the Bible and in this first chapter alone that we could spend months on end unwrapping this in our men’s ministry.  Three things that I have underlined above are paramount in our discipleship:

What is holding us back?

• Fear?
• Anxiety?
• Stress?
• Anger?
• Unconfessed Sin?

We are not doing this alone.  For those of us that profess Jesus Christ as Savior we know that Jesus promised us that we would not be left alone to tend to his business while he sits at the right hand of God until his time has come.  He has left us His Spirit, our counselor.  We are given His Spirit in us – This very Spirit was from the very beginning of our creation.  This Spirit is part of the triune God.  This Spirit is in us.  This Spirit leads us in ways that we do not always know where we are going, but God does.  This Spirit is of Power and Love and Self Control.

We need to embrace this Power:

• Let Go and Let God
• Let Go and Listen to His Spirit
• When in doubt, pray
• When in confidence, lean not on our own understanding
• When we are sure, praise God
• Do not be afraid!  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Hallelujah!)

The second thing that we learn from this text (amongst many other things) is that we need to have biblical patterns (also hobbies and habits) in our life.  We need margin, that is, stewardship (of our time, our talents and our treasures).   The purpose of biblical pattern in our life is that we hear from God through His living word.  We lean on His word and not on our own understanding.  We form healthy patterns to the wants and desires from God for our life.  We read that He has plans for us that will not harm us and that will bless us by what He calls the abundant life.  Does this mean that we will always be prosperous – yes (BUT NOT IN WORLDLY TERMS).  Don’t listen to individuals who teach prosperity gospel.  God says for us to test him in giving, but he doesn’t promise prosperous gains of fortune, rather he promises blessing.  What is that blessing?  It is different for each one of us.  To some are given 10 talents, to others 5 talents and to others 1 talent.  To some is given the gift of teaching and preaching, to others the gift of mercy and still to others the gift of giving.  In this life, when we profess the name of Jesus, we are sure of two things:  1) Our salvation and 2) that trials and tribulations will come because of this name – Jesus.

By putting pattern and habits and hobbies of biblical application in our life, we can see spiritual growth because it is no longer on our understanding and accord.  Instead, we yield in prayer and meditation to the will of God.  We can avoid pitfalls and temptations from the evil one and spiritual warfare is no longer having its way with us, instead, the true disciple is praying the prayer for Armor (Galatians 6) and leaning on God’s ways and not our ways.

Some of these ways are:

• Praying daily
• Reading the word daily
• Meditating daily
• Attending a bible study, a small group (church) and regularly attending a church body (becoming part of that body instead of being a spectator)

We are to guard this knowledge with our life.  I am a movie guy and the one movie that really drives this point home is The Book of Eli (starring Denzel Washington).  The movie is violent and not for impressionable minds, however, the movie has an unbelievable message about guarding this knowledge – an incredible message.  If you haven’t seen this movie – tell me what you think.  If you are not a violent type of moviegoers than email me at dante@legacydad.com and I will respond to you via email about the symbolism of this message in the movie.

In all that you do, seek first the Kingdom of God.  Love your neighbor as yourself and bear witness to His Gospel.Blessings,

Dante

When to listen, when to follow and when to lead

When to listen, when to follow and when to leadTop 5 quotes from Leadership

"A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment."

"Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one."

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."

"Being a leader is like being a lady, if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't."

"Lead, follow, or get out-of-the-way."

This morning a group of roughly 50 men met for our Saturday morning men’s bible study (we call ourselves:  Men of Faith).  This is a very special group that has been growing over the past five years (spiritually) and it has been a joy and honor to be a leader in this group.  From 6:30am to 6:40am we sing praises to God.  From 6:40am to 7am we have to facilitators that lead discussion (which has scripture and usually a theme) and then from 7am to 7:30am we have 2 large group discussions.  From 7:30am to 8am we have small group prayer groups where some men confess, some men ask for prayer and some men listen more while others share more, but in any case we are carrying each other’s burdens through word, prayer and deed.  Again, it is a joy to be part of something so special. I have been walking with some men, some that are being mentored by me and others that are in accountability with me.  If you are not doing this then I would challenge you to find a “Paul” in your life (someone who speaks truth in love and yet holds you to biblical standards and truth.  I would also encourage you to find a “Timothy” in your life so you can pour into them as your “Paul” is pouring into you.  Through this process I have been sharpened, challenged and blessed to see the growth in men’s lives (including mine).  It is a humbling experience, yet so very rewarding.

Through LegacyDad.com, and through walking with men who are not part of men of faith, I feel sadness and compassion for men who are trying to do life as Lone Wolf McQuade.  The state of the average man in this world, spiritually, is very frightening.  In 2 Timothy 3  (NIV) we read, “3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.”  I am saddened by how men our portrayed in this world as passive and as followers instead of leaders and men of integrity.  In talking with some of the men I walk with, it is almost as if the men in today’s culture are comfortable being relegated as the “follower” in marriage and parenthood instead of the spiritual leader that God calls us to be.

How do we move men from being “pew-sitters” to “heavy-hitters” in the kingdom of God?  How do we encourage, comfort and urge or brothers to live a life worthy of God?  How do we set in motion the things that God the father wants and expects from us instead of us serving ourselves?  This brings me to this post:  When to listen, when to follow and when to lead.

When to listen:  (James 1:19)

• Be quick to listen, be slow to speak and be slow to become angry – this will save you years of heartache and frustration.
• Read God’s word daily – meditate on his word, pray over his word and study and take notes on God’s word
• Pray daily – walk with godly men and pray for each other and for each other’s needs
• Spend quiet time with the Lord – listen for his ever so quiet voice.  Hear the words that He speaks through his Spirit

When to follow:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are not, then quietly get back “in line” and follow leaders that God has put before us.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given us.
• If you are not affirmed – if leadership of the church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) does not affirm you then don’t rebel or find discord instead anchor yourselves to Hebrews 13:17 which puts the onus on these leaders.  That is, if they are not in line with God’s will, then they will have to give an account for leading others astray – woe to these leaders!
• Be honest - If you are serving two masters – you cannot lead others in God’s kingdom if you are being led astray by sin and trying to serve a Holy God.  Please don’t mistake my words here by thinking that I am saying that you have to be perfect to lead, I would rather tell you to flee from such leaders.  What I am saying is to be honest.  Repent and confess and let God direct your life to leadership.  (One exception:  Dad’s this does not apply to you in your home, we all sin, we all fall short, BUT as dad’s we are called to be prophets, priests and kings of our house and children – DO NOT SHIRK this responsibility.

When to lead:

• Turn around – When you think you are leading, then turn around and look to see if anyone is following you?  If they are, then get down on your knees and ask for God’s leading, ask for His wisdom and discernment when you lead others.  Humble yourself before a Holy God and be content with what He has given you.
• If you are affirmed – if the leaders of your church (Pastors, elders and lay-leaders) affirm you then quietly pray and seek God’s approval in this process.  Take a spiritual gifts test (click here to take a free test) to see if your gifts that God gives all Christians qualify you to be a leader.
• Be Accountable – surround yourself with other godly men and have a wise counsel of others around you to keep you humble and encouraged through journey
• If you are humble – the mark of a true leader is his/her humility and their walk with Jesus Christ

When it is all said and done, remember this quote by Thomas Paine, “Lead, follow, or get of the way.”  When Jesus began his ministry he chose 12 men who became his disciples.  He walked with them for three years pouring into them, teaching them and living life with them daily.  I marvel at the New Testament how when Jesus called the 70 disciples to go two by two unto the world to proclaim the gospel – I don’t know about you, but I said to myself, “Self, where did these 70 disciples come from?”  Clearly, they were with Jesus and the twelve along the way.  They were watching, learning and being trained by Jesus and his disciples.  When they were ready, Jesus called them to task.

This is a great example to all of us.  Be humble in all circumstances.  We are to encourage, comfort and urge others to live a life worthy of God.  In all you do, let go and let God lead your path.  Be content in all circumstances.

Thoughts?

Blessings,

Dante

R E S P E C T

In the song by Aretha Franklin called R E S P E C T, we see her sing these words, "R E S P E C T Find out what it means to me R E S P E C T Take care, T C B...Oh, a little respect Yeah, baby, I want a little respect Now, I get tired, but I keep on tryin' Runnin' out of foolin', I ain't lyin' Yes, respect, all I need is respect..."

Major stresses in marriage are:

• Money
• Sex
• Children
• Time
• Household demands

Major mishaps in marriage

• outside influences/improper relationships
• lack of communication
• lack of intimacy
• broken trust
• being selfish
• pornography

As a men's ministry leader, an elder and a husband and father and a legacy dad, I can tell you from my limited experience that I have seen all spectrums of relationships - both good and bad and some in between.  There is no clear cut blame to either spouse because if we are honest then we can all say that it takes two to break or make a marriage (barring adultery and brutality, of course).  I would like to modify the last statement by changing it to say that it really takes three to make a marriage - now don't go nuts on me here because when I say three, as Christians, I mean to say that we need Christ in the center of our marriages.

Signs of healthy fruit in a marriage

• Communication
• Honesty (even when it hurts - but not brutal rather with respect)
• Intimacy
• Friendship
• Loyalty
• Husband or wife in the other's corner
• Husband or wife being the biggest fan of the other

And so much more fruit

Let's take a look at what scripture says for Legacy Dads (for those of us that our husbands):

Ephesians 5:21-33

New International Version (NIV)

Instructions for Christian Households

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^[a] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^{[b] 32} This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Men, don't miss this here:  A lot of us get stuck on JUST the first part of this, "wives SUBMIT..." that we forget the rest of the command.  We ought to love our wives (do not be harsh, do not be cruel, do not neglect) and we should love our wives as we take care of our own bodies.  We are no longer self, but one flesh - this is key!  Our bodies no longer belong to ourselves, but to our spouses.  Men, remember that Christ gave himself up for the church, he died to self and sacrificed himself for his Bride - the Church - which is what we ought to do for our wives.

Let's put it this way:

1 Peter 3:7

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Respect does not mean:

• "Listen to me, I am the man and the Bible says that you have to SUBMIT to me, woman"
• "I am in charge"
• "How dare you not respect me"
• Holding love from one another
• Being cruel and cold to the other

I do not want to broad brush this here, but in talking with both men and women, one can conclude that it is not rocket science in figuring ways out to foster a healthy marriage.  As we are each created fearfully and wonderfully and we are all different, please do not take this as final.  For the most part:

Men want:

• To be Respected
• To be Loved and to feel trusted
• To feel secure
• To be intimate
• Romance (even though we may not know how to be romantic)

Women want:

• To be loved
• To feel secure
• To be valued and respected
• To be listened to (the art of true conversation)

Biblical Respect means:  To put Christ in the center of our marriage.  We are to die to selves in our sanctification pathway.  We are to put away the old self and put on the new self.  We could learn to listen to one another, to love one another and to respect each other for who we are.  That means that I do not expect my wife to become what I want her to be for me, nor should my wife expect me to change into someone that she expects me to be.  We are who we are.  That doesn't mean that we can keep our old selves on, rather, we are to put on Christ and to die to self as Christ died for us.  When we exemplify this then we truly understand agape love.  We understand God's plan for marriage.  We can understand that marriage is a blessing and not a curse.

So what do I do if I am not doing marriage God's way:

• Repent
• Pray
• Do not expect your spouse to change over night because you found God's pathway and repented
• Serve
• Serve more
• Love
• Love more
• Pray continually through this process that your spouse will be led by Christ to change your marriage (knowing that we cannot)

So what if you have this biblical marriage:

• Pray more
• Love more
• Serve more
• Reach out to couples who need this love and respect

Your thoughts?

Blessings,

D

Top 10 Signs that you are a true disciple of Christ

Often you will hear a man of God say to you that if you really want to know where Jesus stands in someone's life - open their checkbook.  Other men say that when you look on a person then you should see more of Jesus and less of that person to see a true disciple of Jesus.With that being said, What are the top 10 Signs of being a true disciple of Jesus Christ?

1. The disciple shows his/her love for Christ (by keeping his word and commandments close to his/her heart - not just hearing the words but doing what they say).

2. The disciple abides in this love of Christ (signs of peace and of patience and of true kindness)

3. The true disciple bears the fruit (Read Galatians 5)

4. The disciple is in fellowship with the Spirit, the Word and daily meditates on the word paving God's pathway for the disciple every day

5. The disciple bears witness for what God has done for him (sent His only Son to die for our sins - Jesus is the way, the truth and the life...)

6.  The disciple is a friend of Jesus, that is, the disciple just doesn't know who Jesus is, rather, the disciple calls Him friend

7. The disciple believes in the power of prayer.  Prays continually and trusts that not their will be done - but God's will be done.  The Lord gives and He takes away but blessed be His name

8. The disciple bears joy in all situations (even through trial and tribulation the disciple will exude pain and suffering and emotional suffering, but will ultimately find the joy of the Lord)

9. The disciple exudes the truth behind Romans 12 and Colossians 3

10.  The disciple is humble and repents when necessary.  The disciple is able to discern good from evil and flees the course of evil at all times.

What are your some of your top 10?

Blessings,D