War Stories

War Stories of Grace and Thanks

I remember standing in the heat of a third world country; the smell of garbage, feces and ocean water permeated the air.  I looked around and saw women and children living in tin shacks made no better than something my kids make in our backyard.  Inside these tin shacks; they cooked, slept and raised their children.  During the day, the women and children would wait for the garbage trucks to come and it would be like a mob, fighting to dig through the garbage to find scraps of food or items to sell.  If the kids were lucky, they may find a broken toy or a ball to play with.  The biggest prize was paying a fee to a local warlord for the privilege of rummaging through the trash left by Americans, Trash kids as we waste good food and throw away items these people would normally pay a premium for. Our trash was like a Christmas feast to these people.  For all the blessings, abundance and privilege I have each day, I give thanks to God.

Another time, I sat on the floor on pillows.  The temperature was upwards of 120 and the flies would bother you relentlessly.  I sipped my scalding hot chai and talked with a Muslim friend of mine.  We had been talking about being fathers and raising our children when he asked me a profound question. "Do Christians in America hate Muslims?"  I looked my friend in the eyes and told him that I cannot speak for all Christians but I believe that we are all people of the book, all God's children.  Muslim Family I told him that Jesus' message was of peace and loving one another, not fighting or judging.  My job as a Christian believer was not to preach or judge but to be a living example of the teachings of Jesus' and to build bridges to all people, not just those of certain faiths or ethnicity's.  With tears in his eyes, the man told me that he and I would be lifelong brothers and though the practice of our faith was different, God would bless us and he was forever in debited to me.  For building bridges and seeing that even though we stand on different sides of faith, we all want the same basic needs in life and for our families, I give thanks to God.

I sat frustrated trying to find a clever way to explain to my children what grace meant.  The best I could come up with was doing something, for someone who doesn't necessary deserve it and overlooking my own personal needs to look out for the needs of others.  Afterwards, I realized that I will not always have all the answers.  I cannot prepare my children for everything they will face in life.  Self Development only goes so far and eventually we have to go to God.  My job as a father is to model authentic Christianity in my actions more than my words and at times when I don't have the strength or the answers, I have to rely on God and the Holy Spirit to get me through.  If I could just teach this one principle to my children, I would be a success as a father.  For showing me your undeserving Grace, for giving me a beautiful family and for helping me through my darkest of days, I give you thanks.

- Happy Thanksgiving -

  Lance        

 

 

 

 

Faith begins home

Every once in a while I find a diamond in the rough in public speakers.  That is, I recently heard a great speaker talking about a tough subject - Parenting.  Mark Holmen is the author of Faith @ Home series and is a great speaker from the Heart.  So many times we hear about kids that walk away from their faith and reject their parents religion.  They reject their parents faith because when really pressed about why they reject it they say because my parents faith was not for real.  That may sound a little harsh, but let me put it a different way, the Faith that is rejected may not be authentic seven days a week.   Meaning parents who put their Sunday Church clothes only to take them off Monday through Saturday wearing different duds. 

This really is a difficult subject to follow because most of us like a fast-food approach to parenting and to our Faith and would like teachers, churches, schools and everyone other than Mom & Dad to do the nitty gritty details of everyday life.  In other words, we need to be the parents and be wholly devoted to rearing our chidlren from home.  Faith@home

Mark was kind enough to write some additional books to dads and moms and I will tell you that who does not hold punches.  He puts it all out there and gently yet sternly gives us a roadmap of directon to take.  Our faith needs to be real.  As we go to Deuteronomy 6, his passage and basis for the book.  Actually, most bibical parenting material should take you to this Scripture. 

These books give parents encouragement, comfort and urges us to take the right steps to equip us to rear children and make faith real to them and to us.  I really enjoyed that Mark shares the significance and importance of how mom and dads (and their faith) can and will create a legacy in our children. 

If you have time, read it!  If you don't have time, then find time to read it.  If you don't like reading books, then Google Mark Holmen and find out what church near you he is speaking.  In my humble opinion, this is a must read and legacy worthy!

Leaving a legacy of real faith to our children!  What can be better than that? 

Dante

Boom, X and Z

Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series:

Do you ever wonder why the generations are so diverse? Do you hear yourself saying "Those kids today are out of control."

We can only blame ourselves for how our children's generation turns out.  What legacy are we leaving behind for the next generation?  Here is a a pessimistic view of the current trends left by past and current parents and some advice on how to write the next chapter.

One Baby Boomer Wrote:

"We were probably the first generation that had life easy... comparatively. We didn't have to work on the farm and our country was in the midst of a boom. Our fathers were doing quite well financially, and being the loving parents that they were, they wanted to provide us with the best they could."

Baby boomer "We, as children, took from that, that hard work equals a good life. However, when we raised our own children, Generation X, we took this all a bit further. In a lot of cases, it meant both parents had to work; after all, we are a competitive generation. We, like our parents, wanted the best for our children, but the best meant more, better, and easier.

In our attempt to make life easier for our children, we have ambushed them. We have taught them to take, rather than to give. We have taught them to expect, rather than to work. We have taught them that life is easy, when we know for a fact that it is not. They are headed for a rude awakening, and yes, it is our fault.

We screwed up, and we screwed up royally! The only comfort I can take in this, is that what goes around, comes around. I am sure, should my children decide to have children of their own, that they will be much more strict than our Baby Boomer generation was.

Parents need control; they need authority, and they need respect. Hopefully, our children will have learned from our mistakes." Gen-x

The current thoughts on the children of Generation X called Generation Z here: 

"Generation Z is highly connected, many of this generation have had lifelong use of communications and media technologies such as the internet,texting, cell phones, youtube, etc.  Generation Z has never known a world that put duty before self, and believes that the needs of the individual should come first. This is not the same thing as being selfish – it is captured, instead, in the phrases we so often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in yourself," "You must love yourself before you can love someone else."

Some can be described as impatient and instant minded, and tending to lack the ambition of previous generations. Psychologists are claiming an "acquired Attention Deficit Disorder" since their dependency on technology is high and attention span is much lower, as opposed to previous generations who read books and other printed material, along with watching live television.  They are also more consumer-oriented than the previous generation, which was focused on technology, retro, and indie culture.

Generation Z are also more individualistic. While members of Generation X and Y are group and team oriented, members of Generation Z are more self directed. Individualism has become more common with Generation Z. Many parents of Generation Z are starting to work part time or become stay-at-home parents so that children are raised by parents and other family members instead of being in a day care facility, which forces children to be in groups. However helicopter parents are becoming more common with children than children of the previous generation.  Despite being in a day care facility, many children are placed in many structured extracurricular activities, reducing free playtime.

Gen Z Parents are becoming more like advisers to this generation. Generation Z teenagers and young adults are not as focused on fitting into certain groups, and more based on fitting in with the general population, and tend to make their own decisions with their parent's advice."

While the jury is still out on the final outcome of Generation Z, the mantra you will hear from Legacy Dad is grace.  Moderation, Tolerance, or Grace.  

Focus strongly on Morals, Values and Character Development.

Extend grace on grades, sports, dress and generational fads. 

The best phrase I once heard was "Don't Major in the Minors."

- Lance

The Ganster of Love

Parenting With An Atmosphere of Grace Series

Gansta The other day my son and I were looking at clothes in a local store.  My son picked up a hat and put it on his head sideways telling me he wanted this hat. To me he looked like a gangster rapper from infamous rap videos so my first reaction was of course to say "No way." I then paused and realized that my son uses good judgement 95% of the time and he has always displayed good character traits at school and with friends.  Was my reaction based on any moral relevance or simply on my own personal opinion?     

 

My initial reaction was "What would other people think?" and I envisioned people at church whispering saying "That's the son of the guy who writes about parenting and teaches the parenting bible study! His kid looks like a juvenile delinquent."  

Luckily, I realized that I was not using grace.  This hat was simply a passing fad of my son's culture.  When I was growing up; I wore combat boots, a beret and a Pink Floyd shirt to school!  I was just expressing myself through the wearing of clothes.  

Many times as parents, I believe we turn simply differences of opinion, culture and generational fads into Christian G's full blown moral disagreements.  What's even worse is when we try to falsely use scripture to back up our own opinions simply because we disagree with a child's choice of clothing.  To my knowledge, the only biblical guidance on dress involves modesty?  It says nothing of wearing a hat sideways?  

Furthermore, does God judge us by our manner of dress or the character or our hearts?  

Imagine if God judged us with the same black and white perimeters I was placing on my son?    

I think many times we overreact as parents not based on any moral grounds but simply on our own embarrassment or what we perceive as "un-Christian." 

In the end, I let God's grace guide me and we ended up buying the hat for my son for a Christmas present.  However, I reflected on this lesson and wondered how many times in the past I made a knee jerk reactions based on my own opinions rather than moral absolutes?

As parents, we have to pick our battles carefully and this one, once examined, would be an absurd area to hold my ground. 

My son understands moral absolutes and does not violate them.  My son does not support the illicit behaviors that permeates the rap culture, he simply wanted to fit in with his peers.  

 - Lance

P.S.  The above photo is three kids at a Christian Summer Camp.  

 

 

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